THE CAGED BIRD

CHAPTER 23

One month. One month of misery. I barely slept during the night because of the nightmares. I barely eat because during the day the images of my traumatic memories would haunt me. Making it impossible for me to eat a whole meal.

And lastly, I barely did anything during the day. All my things were still back at my last home and Nicholas did not want to take the risk to get my things back. He was afraid that would gain attention.

It was like the world around me had stopped and I was stuck in time. It felt like I got a break from life and because of that, I could finally process what had happened to me. I was forced to marry an evil and cruel man, lost my family, got kidnapped, lost my baby, found out about the secret life of my brother, and was now locked up in another mansion again.

After a failed attempt to eat breakfast I would settle myself in the living room. I would put on the TV and let that play in the background while I looked out of the window, thinking about negative thoughts. I had no money, no home, and no education. Even though I knew more about what was going on in the world, I was still clueless about many things. But I could not even worry about that because I could not go outside.

I felt pointless.

I missed Evelyn.

I missed Xavier.

I missed my old life.

I looked outside. It was raining, which was rare, but the vibe the weather gave me matched with my feelings. Grey and sombre. A tear left my eye. I did not even have the strength in me to wipe it away. It would dry on its own. I thought.

The first week Debbie tried to cheer me up. The keyword here is tried. After seven days she acknowledged I was not ready to be cheered up, to move on, or to put a mask on. She made sure every need of mine was fulfilled, even I did not know what I needed. Silently she moved around me and did her work around the house together with two other younger girls. They stayed away from me and I was grateful for that. If I ever saw the three of them it reminded me of Linda, Debra and Stella. They were gone as well.

On the day of the ambush, they were present at the house and I saw them as well, laying on the floor. I almost felt like a curse, whoever came close to me got killed.

It was all my fault. If I were not here, nothing would have happened. Father and Xavier would be alive, Edric and Evelyn would be alive, and Linda, Debra and Stella would be still alive. I hated the world and I hated myself.

The worst thing of it all was that I felt utterly alone, but I also saw it as my punishment. I sighed. The uncertainty of my future and my haunting past made me depressed and I wanted nothing more for it to go away. I did not want to be depressed. I wanted to be the bubbly me from before, but too many things have happened. In a way, I was scared, scarred for life.

 I was brought back to reality by hearing the sound of whispers.

‘How is she doing?’ I heard Nicholas whispering towards someone.

‘Not good master. I hear her scream in the night and during the day she is as quiet as a mouse. Poor child.’ Debbie sighed.

‘She does not deserve this…’ It was now Nicholas who sighed.

Their conversation ended and I heard footsteps nearing me. I turned around, looking away from the window into the living room. It was Nicholas. He settled himself on the same couch I was lounging on. We locked eyes, but we remained silent. Nicholas was a charming man, which made him very handsome. He had pitch-black hair, darker than I had ever seen. But his eyes were the complete opposite. They were light, they held a green brownish colour.

As we stared into each other’s eyes he was the first one to speak up. ‘I know this is a stupid question to ask, but I don’t know how to phrase it differently.’ I tilted my head, wondering what his question was.

‘How are you doing?’ His voice came out steady, but his eyes told me he was unsure.

‘I live.’ That was the best answer that came to my mind.

‘Yes, I can see that. But how are you feeling?’ He scratched his neck. Was he nervous?

‘You really want to know how I feel.’ Nicholas nodded his head as his life depended on it. ‘I feel numb during the day and stressed at night. I long for many things that are far out of my reach. I feel alone and hopeless.’ I said with a monotone voice. It held no emotion at all.

First, a frown appeared on his forehead, then he looked down and back up at me. He stood up and said, ‘Come here.’

‘What do you mean?’ I was confused. He opened his arms and asked again to come to him. I stood up and let myself be embraced by this man I barely knew.

‘What do you mean?’ I was confused. He opened his arms and asked again to come to him. I stood up and let myself be embraced by this man I barely knew.

It was nice though. The warmth of another human being feeling on your skin did something to me. Slowly I let my guards down and I started to cry, to sob into his chest. Nicholas let me cry as long as I wanted and comforted me during the whole time…..