TO LIGHT MY FIRE

SIXTEEN

Clark had been making continuous visits to my bedroom since the first time he creepily watched me as I slept. I’d made sure to always wear clothes in my own room which is absurd since you know, it’s my room!

11:30PM was the time he would climb through my window and when I was sure my parents were asleep.

When he found out my love for mangoes he would always bring a bag of them when he made these random appearances.

After many protests, he would always convince me to let him stay. The night would end with us eating the juicy mangoes and watching crime shows.

I can say that I am starting to warm up to him and not hate him as much. As much as I don’t like admitting it, it’s nice hanging out with someone who I can be free with. No offence to Cassi, but I feel like I have to be the friend who has to hold both of us up to keep us from drowning.

With Clark, I don’t have to worry about the water taking my breath away. I even became comfortable with wearing shorts around him when his vulgar comments weren’t as excessive anymore.

When we’re watching crime shows, I find delight in watching him weave and dodge when there was a high speed car chase on the screen. It’s kind of cute when he gets mad at the driver who gets caught. His dark brows come together in frustration and his nose twitches.

Some of you may be thinking. ‘You were just yelling at him to get out of your room just a week ago.’

Well, I think of love as a high speed train. You get on and you can never get off.

I fall extremely fast. Cassi knows this from experience when she had to pick up the imaginary pieces of my broken heart when Dylan Chambers didn’t feel the same way about me in the 2nd Grade. Or when I caught a guy staring at me and believed it was love at first sight when actually he saw a spider crawling in my hair.

Yet, with Clark It’s different. He’s aware of my anxiety because I accidentally flashed him my scarred palms which he wanted me to tell him about it. He brings back a feeling that I hadn’t felt since Parker left. He makes me feel like the world isn’t sitting on my shoulders and I could do whatever the fuck I wanted.

My stomach would do weird back flips whenever I saw his alluring dark eyes through my bedroom window as he would climb in. Whenever he came late I worried that he’d forgotten about me and was just using me for my Netflix password.

Even through all of this ‘Liking People’ stuff, I have to remember that he is a rock star. He isn’t going to be in the area forever because his tour will start up again. Hell, I’ll just be another fan that he had. A blip in his mind. Nothing….

I tightly closed my eyes shut and clenched my teeth as hard as I could, feeling like they were about to break.

You’re just a Church Girl. Do you really think you could fit in his world because you’re Mother Nature? Bitch, Please…

My breathing came in fast puffs and I felt on the edge of passing out. Then I remembered.

The sun is setting

In the sky

Let’s light the moon

And bring it high…

As I lie down,

I breathe in times of three.

And, feel the love

Come back to me

Dad read poems and various song lyrics to me as a kid.

His saying was, -

‘Those tales about folklore aren’t passionate. This, these words, tell a story. You can feel the pain, the guilt, or even the happiness in between these lines. Always remember, this is your safe place. Take life by the hand and make your story.’

He would point to the Book…

‘Sleeping Beauty didn’t get that chance since she was sleep during the most important time of her life.’

I opened my eyes and almost scared myself to death. It looked like I was electrocuted. My curls were so frizzy that no definition was seen, the black circles under my eyes were getting deeper, and my caramel skin was on the pale side.

Taking a couple of deep breaths, I rinsed my face off and put my hair in cornrows so it didn’t break off in my sleep.

When I exited my bathroom and walked into my room I expected to see Clark’s lopsided grin with a bag of mangoes in his hand.

Instead I was faced with vacant space and quiet.

I know I should feel grateful to have my bed to myself finally, but I became familiar with the smell of mints and faint nicotine lying next to me.

I checked my phone 12:15Am.

Huffing disappointingly, I plugged it back up and crawled under my sheets. With a wave of my hand, the candles on my dresser went out and my room was Dark.

I’d become more relaxed with my powers and realized just how much I could do. Rinny and Oz have been helping me with accepting my ‘GIFT’.

Changing the air to a cooler temp like always, I was ready to close my eyes.

To my dismay, the window squeaked open and in came a stumbling Clark. I could smell the alcohol on him even before he reached my bed.

His hair was sticking up everywhere but he made no attempt to fix it. Was he sleep walking? Or just wasted?

‘Clark, what the hell?’ I sat up and observed him with irritation. Snapping my fingers, my candles lit up and illuminated his tear stained face. He grew out his beard and now it was all scruffy.

Clark ignored my question and began to strip, and I don’t mean just his leather jacket. Once that hit the floor, he pulled his white shirt over his head angrily and tossed it.

‘Clark, I’m too tired for Games.’ I exasperated and rolled my eyes at him when he took off his boots.

‘I’m serious.’ I gave him a stern look but that didn’t stop my eyes from gazing at his beautifully inked arms and chest.

His sobbing broke me out of my trance that I had on his abs and my concern took over my profile.

‘Hey. Quiet. My parents still live here you know. And I’m pretty sure my mom has Super hearing.’ I scolded him playfully but he continued to cry like a little boy.

His confidence was gone and in his eyes I saw something that I only saw in my eyes. He was broken.

Clark shut the window and climbed into bed with me. He slipped under the covers and put his head in my lap. His arms tightly wrapped around my waist as he began to whimper.

‘Promise to never leave me. Please.’ He was trying to catch his breath as he started to hyperventilate.

I calmly shushed him and combed through his messy hair with my fingers.

‘Promise me.’ He demanded again in a shaky voice.

‘Okay, I promise. Just breathe.’ I bit my lip as I struggled to keep this tall man quiet.

‘Hey, sing with me.’ I wiped his soaked face with my finger and met his gaze. He nodded and the hurt look in his eyes made my heart break. Who did this to him?

I took a breath and began the first son that came to my head.

‘I’ve got Sunshine,

On a cloudy day,

When it’s cold outside,

I’ve got the month of May.’

Clark surprised me when he joined me.

‘Well I guess,

You’d say,

What can make me feel this way?

My girl, talking about my girl,’

Even though the shakiness, I fell in love with his voice.

The way it pronounced the words. The way it held the notes. The tone of it.

In that moment, when I had a sleeping Clark Jaxx in my lap, I knew I’d jumped on the high speed train; and there wasn’t a chance of me jumping off anytime soon….