TO LIGHT MY FIRE

FOUR

8 Years Ago

‘Has anyone ever written anything for you?

In your darkest hours,’

Across from the piano, I could see that an amber coloured box held him two portraits of his goofy smile were positioned on each end. Most people would look at them and would try to recall times with him. Not me.

The almost unnoticeable scar on his cheekbone was a result of the first time he taught me how to skip rocks at Peter’s River. After I nearly murdered him with a sharp stone, Mom and Dad ordered us to never go there again.

Jokes on them. We went back the next day.

‘You know I’d rather be alone,

Than be without you,

Don’t you know?’

Mom lightly dabbed her apathetic face with her tissue that wasn’t tear stained like Dad’s. He held his head in his hands and his shoulders shook uncontrollably. One of the mothers of the Church had to hold him when she realized Mom wasn’t gonna do it.

Dad and him were extremely close - I would say they were the definition of ‘Father and Son’. Dad taught him how to play the piano, how to properly throw a ball, and how to use the grill. With Mom, the fights seemed almost routine. They’d assume that I would be sleep, but even if I was I would still be able to hear her shouting and his yelling.

‘So, if not for me, then

Do it yourself,’

Everything began to spin. It was like the Church was on a carousel and I had nothing to hold on to but the keys on the piano. Though I continued to play.

‘If not for me then,

Do it for the world,’

The room spun even faster and it was becoming more difficult for me to remember the lyrics of the song. As I started ravaging my brain for the next line, I heard another song. The voice was familiar.

‘We’ll go,

See all,

Escape,

Can’t wait,’

It was Parker.

It was like he was whispering in my ear. It felt like he was right next to me.

His voice was in my head. It has to be. He began to sing another song as if it was a jingle.

‘A fossil reef,

A necklace made of teeth,

A glimmer in the deep,

A skull that lizards have cleaned of meat,’

My body went from a tremble to a full jerking motion as the words repeated over and over again. I looked up to the casket one more time and that’s when I saw him. He was sitting cross legged on top of it like he was six years old. He didn’t have the glisten in his eyes that he usually had when we use to throw rocks in the river. They looked weak. Vulnerable. Almost like they were crying out for help.

His arms swiftly held a charcoal weapon to his temple and didn’t hesitate to pull the trigger to release the most deadly toy bullet.

I began to scream but nothing came out. My hands were frozen on the blacks of the keys and I tasted blood.

The red liquid streamed down my nose and rained down on the piano. What the Hell?

‘Limye syel la, lannwit nwa,’ his powerful voice said even though he just shot himself in the head.

I went down. My hands finally loosened their grip on the keys and were too exhausted to clutch the floor that I was plummeting to.

The floor was kissed by my skull and painted by the liquid that promised me a breath for tomorrow.

Through the slits of my eyes, everything was blurry. The rushing of my parents and ushers came my way in slow motion. When I looked towards Parker’s casket again, that goofy smile was on his face.

‘See you soon, Evie.’

The darkness covered me with its welcoming blanket of comfort.