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CHAPTER 21
Dorothy closed her eyes while the nurse changed her bandages. The only thing on her mind right now was of her daughter, not of Luke. She hadn’t even seen or held her baby, and wouldn’t get closure until she did. ‘I want to see my baby,’ she said, opening her eyes and looking at the young nurse who was attending to her.
‘Are you sure you want to do that Mrs Rogers?’
‘Yes.’
‘Ok then, I’ll check with the Doctor and will bring her in soon.’ Gathering up the bloodied bandages left the room. It was always hard honouring these types of requests, it tore a piece of her heart out every time. Usually, it was done right away but Dorothy was in no condition at the time.
Kimberly walked in, going over to Dorothy. ‘Hi, how are you feeling?’ She could have slapped herself for asking that, it was obvious how she was feeling.
‘I’m sorry, that was a stupid question.’
‘It’s ok Kimberly. I’m so glad you are here.’
‘I feel terrible Dorothy, I should have followed you out of the bar and stopped you from getting into the van. When the police tried calling Luke they couldn’t reach him so they called me and I rushed right here. It’s a good thing the Chief knew we were friends. I’m so sorry you lost the baby. If there’s anything I can do all you have to do is ask.’
‘They’re going to bring my baby in and I would like for you to be with me, I can’t do it alone.’
‘Of course I will but don’t you want Luke with you?’
Tears slid down her face and she wiped them away. ‘Luke hates me, I doubt he’ll want to be here. You heard the way he talked to me and the look of hate was so clear in his eyes and his voice.’
Kimberly took Dorothy’s hand in hers. ‘No, no that’s not true, he loves you. Luke was just in shock and angry. He loved the baby and it crushed him when he found out it wasn’t his. Don’t shut him out, you need him and he needs you.’
‘You must hate me, and think the worse since I don’t know who the father is.’
‘I could never hate my best friend. I just know there is a story behind that and if you can always talk to me.’
A volunteer walked in carrying the largest bouquet of flowers that either woman had ever seen.
‘Those are so beautiful,’ Kimberly said as they were placed on the nightstand. ‘I wonder who they are from.’
Getting up she looked for a card, but there was none. ‘No card, maybe they are from Luke.’
Luke returned, cleanly shaven and wearing fresh clothes, flowers in his hand, Keenan was with him.
Dorothy glanced at Luke but then turned her head away. She felt Keenan’s kiss on her cheek and his words of condolences.
Luke, feeling that Dorothy didn’t want to look at him enquired about the bouquet of flowers.
‘Aren’t they from you? There was no card so I just assumed they were,’ Kimberly said, looking at the ones he held.
‘No,’ he said and set his flowers down next to them. He wondered who had sent them, they were very expensive.
‘No,’ he said and set his flowers down next to them. He wondered who had sent them, they were very expensive.
At that moment a nurse walked in carrying a small bundle in her arms, a solemn look on her chubby face.
Dorothy sat up, swallowing the lump in her throat when the baby was placed in her arms.
‘Keenan and I will leave you two alone,’ Kimberly said, grabbing his arm pulled him out of the room, knowing Dorothy and Luke needed this time alone.
Luke’s stomach churned, tears sprang to his eyes as he watched Dorothy, grateful that she didn’t chase him out. He watched as she slowly moved the baby blanket from the infant’s face. Tears fell down her face as she traced her fingers over the tiny face, she then kissed her forehead. He sat on the bed next to them. His gut was in knots and he fought to keep from crying, though his eyes were filled with his own tears.
Dorothy touched her sweet baby, she was so cold and not moving. But she was so beautiful, had lots of dark hair. ‘I’m going to name her Cassandra, Cassie, after my mother.’ For ten minutes she didn’t speak, just kept staring and kissing her baby. Suddenly she started sobbing, her shoulders shaking. Putting the cover ever so gently over the baby’s face handed her to Luke.
‘Take her away,’ she said as her body became racked with her heart - wrenching sobs.
Luke wanted to hold Dorothy, her sobs were ripping her heart out, and he couldn’t bear to see her in so much pain. So, holding the child close walked softly out.
Keenan was holding a sobbing Kimberly. As hard as it was they asked if it would be alright to take a look, Luke nodded and moved the covering from Cassie’s face.
The nurse came over, holding out her arms. ‘I have to take her now Mr Rogers. Also, I need to know what name to put on the death certificate.’
Luke took one last look, his thumb stroked the baby’s face.
‘Cassandra, Cassandra Rogers,’ he said, handing her the baby. ‘My daughter’s name is Cassandra.’ It didn’t matter that he wasn’t the real father, in his eyes he was. Sitting in a nearby chair, and not caring that people were around he cried.
Keenan placed his hand on his shoulder. ‘Luke, you are going to have to talk to Dorothy about funeral arrangements.’
He looked up at Keenan and Kimberly. ‘I know, but not now. Dorothy is devastated, she won’t be able to handle it right now.’ Wiping his tears away stood up.
‘I have to get back to her.’
Taking a deep breath and letting it out went to her room, quietly opening the door he walked in.
She lay there on her back, staring up at the ceiling. Her face was an ashen grey, her eyes sunken and dull with no emotion showing in them. Sitting next to her he took her one hand in his, bringing it to his mouth kissed it. ‘Dorothy. I want you to know I love you and I’m so sorry you are going through this. I’ll be by your side. I’m not going anywhere,’ he said, his words breaking up as he spoke. She didn’t speak, she didn’t speak, and she didn’t acknowledge that he was even there. He was getting so worried about her, he knew she was sinking into a deep depression. He would have to find a way to help her through this, even if she didn’t want him to.
For two days she didn’t speak, barely ate enough to feed a bird. She was being released from the hospital on the third day.
Sitting on the bed, dressed and waiting to leave she could hear Luke talking to Doctor Kelvin.
‘Mr Rogers, try and get her to eat. I also have to remind you it’s time to make the funeral arrangements. The longer you put it off the harder it will be for your wife to get over it.’
Until Luke gets another van Kimberly had offered him the use of her car. Once they were seated in the small Sedan he reached for her hand, but she pulled away. He tried not to let it bother him but it did hurt, she was shutting him out. At home, he walked beside her as they entered the house. Keenan and Kimberly were there, she had made dinner for them.
‘I’ll get you settled upstairs,’ he said to Dorothy.
‘Kimberly, will you take me up?’
Kimberly looked from Dorothy to Luke, seeing the hurt flash in his eyes. ‘Hum, yes if you want me to.’
Dorothy nodded and without looking at Luke followed her friend upstairs.
After, with Kimberly’s help, she was put into a nightgown and helped to bed. The bouquet of flowers and the ones Luke had bought her was sitting on the dresser.
‘I’m going to fix you something to eat, you have to eat something.’
‘Kimberly.’
‘Yes, hun!’
‘Will you tell Luke I want him to sleep in the other room, if not then I will.’
She sat down next to Dorothy. ‘I will tell him. But I hope you don’t shut him out. I know we all can’t imagine what you are going through. I do know that he is hurting too and you need each other.’
Downstairs. ‘Don’t take her asking Kimberly to heart Luke. She probably just needed a female friend to help her undress, and I’m guessing to talk.’
‘No Keenan, she’s shutting me out. She Won’t talk to me or let me touch her and I don’t know what to do.’
‘Be patient, she needs to grieve.’
‘Yeah, maybe,’ Luke answered.
When Kimberly came downstairs she sat with the guys in the kitchen. She was putting the finishing touches on supper while they sat there listening to her.
‘Dorothy has told me for you to make the funeral arrangements, she’s not up to doing it.’ Clearing her throat she continued, knowing this was going to hurt Luke. She also asked that you sleep in the square bedroom, for now. Or she will.’
He felt sick to his stomach, he was losing Dorothy. ‘No, I’ll take the other room.’
Supper was ready so he took a plate up to Dorothy. ‘Please eat something.’ he said, placing the tray on her lap. ‘Kimberly says you want me to sleep in the other room.’
Dorothy looked down at the food to avoid looking at Luke.
‘I’ll sleep in the other room. You keep this room, the bed is much more comfortable. I’ll start making the funeral arrangements. If there’s anything special you want to be done you have to tell me. Is there?’
Still not looking at him she shakes her head. She didn’t want to think of burying her child, the pain was too much to bear. It was also hard to see the hurt in Luke’s eyes, she had hurt him so badly and felt he would be better off without her. So she would keep him at arm’s length till the year was up and once she had her trust fund would leave. He would be so much happier without her, she was nothing but trouble and he deserved someone who could make him happy. She didn’t believe she was the one to do that.
The three sat eating, barely speaking. Later Kimberly went to check on Dorothy and found her asleep, she hadn’t eaten a thing. The food on her plate was untouched and cold. Taking it downstairs told Luke he should try and make her eat something when she woke up. After the dishes were done Keenan and Kimberly left. She said she’d be back tomorrow to keep an eye on her while he was at work.
Before going to bed he made up a sandwich and a glass of milk, taking it to her room. She was asleep so setting the plate on the bed stand kissed her forehead, turned off the light and went to the other bedroom. It pained him to be in another bedroom, away from her but he knew she needed time.
Morning came, he was tired from lack of sleep. Before leaving for the day went and checked on her. She was still asleep, well her eyes were closed but he wasn’t sure if she was asleep or pretending. The sandwich lay untouched, the milk she had drunk. Kissing her forehead he left.
CHAPTER 22
Making arrangements for a funeral was one of the hardest things Luke ever had to do. But for a baby, and picking out a small coffin was almost too much for him to bear.
If it weren’t for Keenan and Kimberly’s help he might not have been able to do it. The harder he tried to help Dorothy the further she seemed to slip away from him. She still wouldn’t talk, and what she did eat wasn’t enough to feed a small child. What really got him worried was she no longer cried. He hoped after the funeral she would find some peace, some closure. So many times he tried to hold her, or just to give her a tender touch but she would shrink away when he got close, breaking his heart. It was hard loving someone and not being able to help them.
The day of the funeral Dorothy wore a plain black dress, no make - up and her hair tied into a ponytail. She sat by the window in her bedroom looking out the window at the rain falling. It wasn’t raining hard, more of a drizzle. When it was time to go she walked down the stairs, her legs felt heavy, her head hurt. As she walked towards the others she felt like she wasn’t in her body, only watching from outside it.
Kimberly took her arm and they walked out, the two men right behind them. There was no church service, just a small gathering at the cemetery. As the small service began it started raining a little harder.
Luke opened the umbrella, putting his arm around her waist. He held the umbrella above them and he felt a glimmer of hope when she didn’t shrink away from his touch. As words were spoken and when the coffin was being lowered tears ran down his face. Sobs could be heard from the few people who were there, all mourning the death of an infant. He glanced down at Dorothy and saw no tears. He was worried that she was holding back her feelings and feared she might at some point have a breakdown.
When it ended he kept his arm around her and led her back to the car. The others got into their vehicles and followed Luke back to the ranch. Some of the ladies made a luncheon and was serving it along with coffee, tea, and liquor for those who wanted it.
A shadow stepped from behind the trees when everyone had left the cemetery. The ground crunched beneath the stranger’s feet. A single red rose fell upon the dirt that covered the tiny coffin.
Back at the ranch Luke kept his eyes on Dorothy. She stood motionless as she accepted condolences from those who came back for lunch. Still, she did not eat but sipped on a glass of orange juice. Something was not right, she was swaying slightly. Going over he reached her just as her legs gave out and before she hit the floor he caught her, lifting her up into his arms he carried her upstairs. Her arms went around his neck, her head resting on his chest.
He laid her down on the bed.
‘Dorothy, I’m going to call a Doctor.’
‘No, didn’t sleep last night, that’s all it is. I can’t go back down there.’
He stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. She had dark circles under her eyes and her face was so pale. ‘Ok, let’s get you undressed and under the covers.’ At least she didn’t try to stop him when he removed her clothes and slipped her nightgown over her head, that was a start, he thought to himself.’ Sleep now. I’ll be back to check on you,’ he said, pulling the covers over her and kissed her forehead. She was already asleep before he walked out.
The next three days Luke was close to the breaking point. Dorothy wouldn’t eat, she slept day and night. He heated up some soup and some crackers on the side with a large glass of juice. He was more determined than ever to get her to eat.
Entering the bedroom he walked over just as she opened her eyes. ‘I want you to eat this now.’
‘I’m not hungry, take it away.’
Setting the tray down. ‘You Can’t go on like this any longer, neither can I. If you don’t eat then I’ll have no choice but to take you to the hospital where they will force - feed you. You also need help with your depression.’
She sat up and stared at him in horror. ‘I’m not crazy, you can’t have me committed.’
Sitting down he takes her hands in his. ‘I don’t mean that kind of hospital. I love you Dorothy but nothing I do seems to help you and I’m scared. I don’t know what else to do.’
‘Ok, I’ll eat.’
Smiling he got up and put the tray on her lap and watched as she put a spoonful of soup into her mouth. His heart did a flip when she finishes half the bowl and two of the crackers. She then drank the juice. She didn’t finish it all, but he was pleased with what she did finish. When she said she wanted to take a bath he jumped up, going to the bathroom he ran her a bath, adding bubbles, which she seemed to like.
When she got out of bed he was shocked to see how much weight she had lost in just a week, her nightgown hung loosely on her. While she was bathing he took the half - empty bowl downstairs to the kitchen. There he collapsed on the chair, running his hand up and down his face as though he was washing it. With work and worrying about her, he was dead tired and hoped this was the beginning of her getting better. He wanted he loved back. He missed her touch, her lips and missed lying next to her at night. But he was willing to take it slow, to wait till she was ready.
The next day when he returned home from work he found her in the kitchen, she was dressed and cooking. ‘You’re making supper.’
‘Yes. You were right Luke. It’s time I got back into a regular routing. I can’t change what happened so I’ll try to move forward.’
He walked up behind her, putting his arms around her waist from behind. His lips went to the back of her neck and started kissing it. ‘I’ve missed you so much,’ he said, taking in her scent as his mouth moved up and down her neck.
She pushed him away. ‘Oh my God Luke get away from me,’ she cried out.
He was shocked and deeply hurt that she was rejecting him.
‘You’re my wife and I love you. I need you, to be with you.’
She whirled around to face him, anger exploded from her and she lashed out at him. ‘I just lost my baby and you want to fuck me. I’m not ready.’
‘I never said I wanted to fuck you damn it. I know it’s too soon. All I wanted was to hold and kiss you. I can’t take it any longer.’ Picking up his hat he started walking out.
‘Where are you going?’ she yelled at him.
He turned back to look at her.
‘Out. I need to know that my wife still loves me, but I guess you don’t.’
‘I do love you. I just can’t right now. I’m still in so much pain. I lost my baby, a part of me has died and I need to get it back before I can move on with you.’
‘You know what Dorothy? You keep saying it’s your baby. I may not have been the biological father but I loved that baby as if she was mine. I too lost a part of me and now I feel as though I’ve lost you.’ He turned and walked out.
She sank to the floor and for the first time in days, she wept. Wept for her dead baby and for hurting Luke, knowing she had lost him too. Getting up she went in search of something strong to drink. Not finding any alcohol she made a stupid decision. Going upstairs she applied make - up and put on a slinky black dress and called for a cab to take her into town.
Having nowhere else to go Luke drove to Keenan’s place. ‘Hey man, I didn’t know where else to go. Dorothy and I had a fight.’
He was taken inside where Kimberly dished him out some supper and they all sat down to eat. Luke told them what all was said, expecting to get a lecture for coming down hard on Dorothy. But they agreed that it was about time he knocked some sense into her.
‘You had to scare her into eating or she could have become ill. Only I think you might have been rushing things when you tried to kiss her, she still needs time,’ Kimberly said as she poured them another cup of coffee.
‘I suppose you’re right. It’s just that I miss holding her and all I wanted was for her to tell me she still wanted to be with me.’
‘Well at least she was maKing an effort by getting out of bed and making supper,’ Keenan said, taking a bite of his steak.
‘That’s true. I best get back now and see if I can fix things. I was a bit rough on her and wish I hadn’t said some of the things I did.’
As he was leaving Keenan’s phone rang, after answering he hung up and called out for Luke to stop from driving away. ‘That was Joey, he couldn’t get a hold of you so he called her. You really have to break down and buy a cell phone.’
‘What did Joey want?’
‘Dorothy’s there, and apparently she’s drunk and he wants you to come to get her.’
‘Shit. ‘Luke cursed. ‘What the hell is doing there? Ok. I better go see what she’s up to now.’ Waving goodbye he took off.
When he got there the place was packed and noisier than ever. There was a crowd surrounding the bar so he edged his way towards it. People seeing him got out of his way, whispering behind his back.
Seeing Dorothy laying on the bar in a short black dress which had risen up, showing off more than he cared for. Men were handing her shots and she swallowed them in one gulp. When one man, a stranger he didn’t know placed his hand on her chest he lost it. Gripping the man’s arm swung him around and punched him square in the jaw. ‘Keep your fucken dirty hands off my wife.’
Rubbing his jaw he glared at Luke. I didn’t know she was married. You ought to keep your wife in order.’
‘The wedding rings didn’t give you a clue?’ Luke hissed and turned back to Dorothy. ‘Get off the bar, we’re going home.’
‘I don’t want to go home, I’m having too much fun with my new friends.’
Knowing she wasn’t going to come peacefully he pulled her down off the bar, lifted her up into his arms he carried her out, he heard the snickering behind his back. He expected her to put up a fight but instead, she put her arms around his neck, resting her head on his shoulder. It worried him how this she had gotten, she was so light as he carried her to the car. Her legs were so thin, dangling all over the place.
He wanted to be mad at her but after all she had gone through he knew she was only acting out from pain. Before placing her in the car he held on to her, holding her close to him, she had gone to sleep. ‘Oh Dorothy, please come back to me, I love you so much,’ she said more to himself than to her. Doing up her seatbelt he kissed her cheek, his hand moving her hair from her face…..
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