The Outcast 27

I knew he had been selfless enough to let me go, to protect me, but I couldn’t trust his hurt side… his wounded soul; he was known to ruin when angry. I wouldn’t forgive him if he did that now. Watching as my mom quickly rushed to lock the front door and grab her mobile, I knew that this was the moment I had to go and confront Carmen. He needed to know that his actions had consequences, that there wasn’t always a black and white side of a picture…some emotions, actually, had a completely grey shade. We couldn’t judge them. Forcing my way through the mayhem, I quickly headed towards the back door of my house and pulled it open. The thought of what Carmen could have done was terrifying. I cared for a beast, and I knew that his claws could turn deadly. Upon opening the door, I shrieked at the sight of a looming shadow. The darkness outside had reached every inch of the backyard. It made me quiver. ‘Jean?’ I gasped as the moonlight began setting in. She pulled me into a tight hug and began squeezing my soul. ‘Sarah! It’s so good to see you again.’ Her voice cracked, causing my own heart to let out a lonesome whimper. This was what I had been missing; the memories, the people …they had forced me to hide in such a tiny shell that the bite of being forgotten felt strong. I wasn’t brave enough to deal with no closure, simple goodbyes. I needed to be loved by the one I cared about…the ones who opened up their cold hearts just for me. After a quick second of squeezing our hearts out, she then grabbed my hand and began pulling me towards the darkness. ‘Come.’ She urged. ‘Carmen needs us….’ Nodding, I let her drag me past the darkened corners of the backyard and across the fallen leaves. My heart seemed to ache at the sight of all my childhood memories being completely shadowed by the darkness floating around. A place that felt so warm could seem so cold with such a simple change of perspective. I had felt that simple change when caring for Carmen …his coldness had turned warm in just a moment. Trying not to trip over my feet, I finally managed to reach the front gardens and gasped at the sight of more than a dozen masked men surrounding the blue tent. Also, there were fairy lights fallen on the ground and leaves shattered everywhere. Thankfully, staying under a shade of an Oak tree helped in going unnoticed by the dangerous men. Panicked, I turned towards Jean and spoke in a high - pitch tone, feeling my heartbeat race. ‘What are we going to do? I have to get inside that tent now.’ My voice sounded shrilling and shaky, causing Jean to simply grab my hand and take the lead. ‘Don’t worry,’ she assured. ‘These men know that I am Carmen’s sister. Just stay close to me.’ ‘Okay,’ I felt so afraid and overwhelmed. Cautiously reaching the tent while lowering my gaze and covering my face, I sighed with relief when not even a single guard spared us a look. Apparently, none of them was brace enough to confront Carmen’s sister. They knew what Carmen could do if anyone of his loved ones was harmed…they didn’t want to test a psycho. Upon reaching the thick curtained entrance of the tent, I felt sudden hesitance and fear stop me from simply barging inside. I was confident that Carmen was badly obsessed with me….cared immensely, but his emotions were all over the place, right now. He had been hurt. And a wounded Carmen was known for acting solely on his emotions. I didn’t want to see the dark side of his mind and have his image ruined forever. It would crush me. Gulping down the emotions as an acidic ache continued to twirl inside my soul; I pulled my hand away from Jean and halted. She turned towards me. “What’s wrong?’ She worried. I diverted to the ground, ignoring the overwhelmed tears that had started to collect at the corners of my eyes, and began fidgeting with my fingers. ‘I - I don’t know…’ My emotions were so confused. I wanted to heal, to fight, but I was just so scared. Whatever was happening behind that tent would hit my world like a storm. I didn’t know how to face the tremendous waves. Frowning at my fearful and timid stance, she then clasped my shoulder in understanding and sighed, turning her head away from me. ‘I know Carmen can be really cruel when provoked,’ she confesses, making my heart want to badly rebuke this… to defend the one whom I cared about …. But I just could speak. My nerves…they were completely tangled and overwhelmed by anxiety… ‘I know he has done a lot of wrong things,’ she continued, making my soul whimper. ‘In fact, he was even responsible for Sofie crashing her car.’ My heart ached. He could be that cruel? ‘But,’ There was deep sorrow gleaming in her eyes as her gaze met mine; he would never let his demons even come near you or your family. He would ruin himself if it means protecting you from his dark world. What happened to Sofie was solely because of him dealing with problems in the wrong way. I admit he is a messed up man from whom even I wanted you to save yourself from, but not anymore. Now it’s up to you. You can fight, or you can let him deal with his emotional baggage on his own. You will always remain his deepest obsession, but it’s okay if he is not yours.’ Wiping away the tears that had now started floating down my cheeks. I took a deep breath and gave a sharp nod. ‘Okay, let’s go.’ ‘Inside this tent to make sure that Carmen gets some sense knocked inside his head,’ I spoke. She gave me a grateful look. It was strange to see that the one who had always cautioned me to stay away was now willing for me to fight. I believe she thought it was worth it. ‘You know that you can’t confront him directly, right? It’s wrong. ‘She then added, making me nod. ‘Yeah, I am not going to,’ I mused, moving to finally push myself past the curtains. A strong and powerful sensation had filled up my heart. Today was supposed to be my wedding. I was supposed to accept a life of compromise with Bradley, yet the heart…it just couldn’t help but chase after someone else. The henna lady was right. Even when I wasn’t supposed to confront another man on my wedding…even if my actions were going to create so much of a mess and make many feel disappointed … it didn’t matter because that’s what my heart wanted. We can manage to change our minds, our dreams, but never our hearts… it wants what it wants…..you Carmen!!! …… Clenching his jaw in pure menace, Carmen had stomped inside the tent and deeply scowled at the sight of Bradley trembling in fear and confusion; his raging soul had felt so completely overpowered by pure jealously and hatred that he couldn’t help but let out a low snarl. He wouldn’t spare. Not even bothering with the fleeing crowd, he had kept his malicious gaze fixated on Bradley and begun shifting the crowbar between his hands, darkly smirking as Bradley’s 'orbs' fearfully followed the movement …not daring to even let out a whimper. This was mental bliss. Having his men make sure that the lucky and daring ‘bridegroom’ stayed seated on a white couch placed in the center, he was enjoying the thrill of taunting his victim with mental torture…making him ache in sheer agony …before delivering the final blow. In fact, even Sarah’s father and her two brothers were forced to sit next to Bradley and watch as sole witnesses. Carmen needed an audience for what he was about to do. Maniacally grinning as he slowly began striding towards Bradley in a predatory manner while keeping his jaw tight, he let out an amused chuckle and spoke in a low tone. ‘Shove him down.’ His amusement got quickly replaced by a deep scowl, making many shift in discomfort. The underlined raging fury, jealously, and hatred was vibrant in the air. It was making his soul ache with the immense need to destroy.. To ruin the man who had dared to even think that he could get his obsession. He couldn’t. He should have stayed in jail. Carmen regretted the moment he had allowed him to get out…given Sarah a choice. Sharply nodding at his command, his men were quick to grab Bradley by his arms and shove him towards the floor. Sarah’s family bravely stood up to protest. ‘Please…What are you doing?’ Immediately, Carmen snapped his head towards them and threw one deadly glare; jaw clenched and fists tightened, causing his men to pull back the overwhelmed audience. These people were someone who Sarah cared deeply about, would always cherish, so he wasn’t going to harm them,but he wasn’t going to tolerate interference either. They had been willing to take away his obsession, so he wasn’t too thrilled by their presence. Taking one step at a time while taunting Bradley, who seemed completely out of his wits and trembling in fear, with the crowbar being continuously shifted he walked towards his prey and soon grabbed him by the collar…grinding his teeth together. His beast was out to claw. To let his talons leave a promising mark. ‘You dare even think about marrying her?’ He sneered ferociously, making gasps resonate from around him. Apparently, Sarah’s family was unaware that it was all about her… that everything he did, felt, was to ensure that she kept smiling, was protected and cherished…so deeply adored. ‘Sarah!’ He bellowed. ‘Okay…okay, I won’t. You can take her.’ He quickly gave in, pleading and begging to be spared. Carmen couldn’t help but sneer in disgust. This man was a pathetic fool. So easily willing to let go of Sarah. Disgusting. He didn’t deserve to be her world. Deciding to no longer bother with this whimpering fool, he simply threw him away, growing completely bored, and turned to face his petrified audience. ‘Make arrangements… I am taking his place.’ WITH NEW HORIZONS COMES GREATER STORMS--- Upon rushing inside the tent, I had found only my two brothers and father forced to sit on a couch, right in the middle of the tent, with guards surrounding them. Papa had sprung up at my sight, bellowing for me to go back, but I wasn’t going to listen. I was here to stay. Rushing up to my family , I had them tell me where Carmen was while explaining all that was happening. My brothers couldn’t comprehend my emotions…They believed that I was just an emotional wreck, a victim of mental torture…but my father. He had watched me break, listened to my tears… and this was the first time he was watching me chase after my dreams. Not anyone else’s. Mine…. Even when I was being engaged to Bradley, I had gone along because my family wanted me to. I had grown attached because of circumstances but no more. The chandelier aboev my head felt like a powerful spotlight, as I stood facing my family …daring to explain what I wanted. My heart spilled with worry and thrill at the explanation that Carmen had, personally, gone to supervise the arrangements being made for our marriage. He had taken Bradley along, and I feared what he was going to do to him. I didn’t want Carmen to do something that was unforgivable…he didn’t deserve to commit a sin because of someone like Bradley. The past was supposed to remain in the past. Spilling my heart out and confessing what I exactly wanted, I could hear Jean slightly tear up behind. She had towed along, listened to my each and every word… ached with the painful sorrow coating my soul. She knew that I had been broken, repaired …broken …and this was my desperate attempt to stay above the tide and breathe. I wanted to be strong for Carmen. ‘Are you sure?’ One last confirmation had me simply nodding my head. I wanted to do this. The air had gone cool, and I was on the verge of having Sashan ask the guards to get Carmen when the tent curtains shifted and in stepped the dark hero; the daydream that had fought away my demons, warmed my wounds, and now deserved that I make the same effort. He strode in…his aura growing thrilled, delighted, and surprised upon finding me inside the tent. I could only lower my gaze and keep my face covered. There was roaring thundering echoing from outside…the lights just seemed too bright. The moment had left me speechless … this was it. We were here to start, again, all the closures, all what I had imagined, I couldn’t explain what I was feeling. WAS it anxiety, thrill or simple buttery softness tickling the lightened chambers of my soul. I felt weightless, yet so drained. Papa, Zian and Sashan had moved to stand in front of me as Carmen slowly strolled towards us, while Jean shifted closer to me, completely caught in the tension. She knew that she couldn’t confront her brother now…this wasn’t the moment to make him realize. It was the moment to 'my moment' to confess… ‘Good, she is here. Let’s get started…’ Carmen mused haughtily, as he finally neared my family and gestured to have them move away from the couch. All three of them refused, definitely earning a simple raised eyebrow from Carmen. He could easily keep his emotions composed and calm when he wanted; a brain so brilliant at manipulating emotions that it could even manipulate its own. The article had called his kind only after obsessions, no real feeling behind his acts, but Carmen was all about selflessly betraying his own heart for me… so what was I supposed to call his kind? Smiling as Carmen’s impatience grew, I could hear Sashan huff in ordinance. ‘My sister has agreed to accept you,’ he muttered begrudging, making Carmen let out an arrogant chuckle. ‘I know…’ ‘But,’ Papa spoke, his voice stern and firm. ‘She has some conditions.’ THAT definitely caught his attention. There was chilling silence…the guards straightened up beside us…and I was actually fearing for what he might do. Carmen wasn’t about compromise, but I trusted that he would never rebuke my wishes. I trusted him enough. ‘Okay…’ there was caution in his tone…pause because he wanted to listen. That tugged the lonely strings of my soul. He was always giving in, always. What did I do to become such a powerful and devoted obsession? ‘Honestly, you don’t deserve my sister..’ Zian was being honest. No, I didn’t deserve to be cherished when I had started off being so selfish with obsession. ‘I know …’ The quick shift towards silent defeat, along with the echo of pain, made my heart hurt. ‘But, somehow, she believes that this is what she wants. She wants to give a rotting psycho a chance…’ Zian continued, making me badly want to nudge him. Why was he being so rude and obnoxious? Papa immediately cleared his voice. ‘Behave..’ he warned. Fidgeting, I could hear Carmen deeply inhaling, probably suppressing his temper, as he slowly spoke, keeping his tone completely emotionless. ‘What are her conditions?’ ‘She wants you to get caught…’ Sashan spoke matter of factly, making my heart beat immediately grow tense. THIS was it…the moment, no more distractions or diversions. We were going to get straight to the point, and I didn’t know how Carmen was going to act? Was this too much of a favour? I wanted the next chapter of our lives to start fresh…no past demons…no regrets to keep scarring us forever. I wanted Carmen to be free of his mistakes? ‘What do you mean?’ His stance turned weak…full of disbelief and confusion, as his shadow clearly backed away from looming over my family. He needed space to comprehend what he was about to hear. ‘She wants you to go to jail, allow your entire mafia gang to get caught by the police, and deal with the consequences of your actions. She wants you to improve your ways because she can’t see you ruining yourself, anymore,’ Papa elaborated, causing the air to suddenly grow completely still. There was no deep inhales..no gasps …just pale silence. I could feel my soul tightened with tension and worry. I didn’t want Carmen to misinterpret my conditions as a sign of betrayal or cruel intentions. This wasn’t about me, anymore. It was about him. I just couldn’t let him lead the life of a criminal. He was lost…in sheer pain…and proper closures would cure him of that. I used to be a fool who thought that mental illness could be solved by simply having someone care for you. They didn’t . My battle with depression had taught me that being cared for can only be a simple distraction, a root that leads to toxic dependency..once the co-dependent factor wounds you, the ache is back..the torturous fit is back. It happened to be when I got rejected…it happened to me when Carmen, supposedly, betrayed me. The depression was always there..it just sprung when I was forced to deal with it. There was never any vacuum, and I didn’t want Carmen to go through the same constant patterns I went through. Let him finally confront his demons..let the law make him confront him and properly cure him. I would wait…I would always wait for him. But he didn’t heal before being burdened by my scars. He had been dealing with them for so long, and it was time that he dealt with his own wounds. ‘Why does she want that?’ Carmen finally spoke, sounding so hurt and lost that my soul ached with the dreadful realization that he had clearly taken this in the wrong way. NOOOO….