The Outcast 26

To hear that Carmen had been suffering, lying, and losing control did something to my soul. I wasn’t prepared for this epiphany…especially one day away from my wedding. But yet again, I still couldn’t understand Carmen’s actions. Why was he doing this? Why push me away after chasing me for so long? If it wasn’t Aisha, then what made him suddenly retreat back? ‘Bbbut why is he doing all of this?’ I stuttered, moving to sit on my bed. I had no energy left to stand. The floral bangles had started scratching my wrists and tearing the skin. I felt like taking them off. I was in no mood to put up a façade. ‘Because he is obsessed with you…’ Tears pushed against my soul. What? ‘Jean told me what happened after he kidnapped you, even the part where he had to break your heart, and it seems like he surrendered because of failing to protect you. The day you got struck was the day he decided that his demons could be deadly. But that isn’t what’s important, right now. The reason I am here is because of Bradley. I Fear that Carmen is going to do something to him,’ she stressed, watching me sit and take off my bangles. My eyes widened with shock. ‘What makes you think that?’ ‘Because that’s what he promised before stomping off towards his northern lands,’ she cried, sounding so frustrated and tense. ‘Just a day ago, he started throwing this jealous fit and claiming that he would deal with Bradley, himself. His emotions had me so terrified that I couldn’t help but beg Jean to let me escape; one minute, he was selfishly willing to forget and the next, he was willing to punish all those who dared to even approach you. It seems like knowing that your wedding day was just a day away really hit him hard.’ ‘I --- I “ This was all too much for me. Learning that Carmen had always cared, had pushed me only to protect me, really teased the voidness of my heart. I hadn’t been betrayed but selflessly cherished. That thought made my heart soar with thrill, guilt, and confusion. If I was truly a victim of Stockholm syndrome, then why was this discovery sounding so right to my ears? Why was the hope igniting with immense flare? And why was my soul instantly repulsing the thought of marrying Bradley? In fact, I even felt like all my numbness had been there because I was simply missing the hero. Carmen wasn’t being hated… his absence was. ‘You have to go and deal with him, Sarah,’ Aisha now sat next to me, staying completely ignorant towards the powerful emotions raging in my heart. The excited roar from outside had finally reached the empty air of my room. ’If you don’t stop him, then who knows what he will do tomorrow. That brass psycho is out of control, and Bradley is going to pay for his insane ways!’ A sudden thought hit me hard. ’Why do you care?’ I frowned. The ’Aisha’ I knew didn’t bother about others. Her glamour world had no place for less-reputed people. She was an achiever, a golden queen, and the one who dumped Bradley because of his declining status. In fact, I could still remember how patronizing she sounded when trying to bond with me on the plane ride. Her words had been harsh and so arrogant. So why was she trying so save her corrupt ex? ‘Because I know how big of a sacrifice Bradley is making by marrying you.’ she sighed, lowering her head and shifting away from me. I scoffed at the remark. Seriously?’ ’He is hurting so badly, and I don’t want Carmen to create any more tensions for him. Bradley deserves to smile and be happy.’ Her voice was so filled with melancholy and sorrow that, for a second, I saw pure sensations reflecting in her soul. This girl might be bratty, spoiled, but she truly did care about Bradley. Her way of life might not have taught her the difference between right and wrongs, but she was willing to be there for someone she cared about. I felt warm at that thought. ‘Ummm..then, why did you dump him?’ I frowned, curious about what made her let him go. True emotions aren’t easily ignored. ‘Because he was imprisoned,’ Simple. I felt like this girl genuinely didn’t know how superficial and offensive her thoughts could sound. Her lifestyle had only taught her to enjoy silver- platters and rebuke poor emotions which actually made her seem so insensitive and naïve. I guess she was just so painfully unaware of how to deal with difficulties. I winced with discomfort. Bradley and her truly did make a nice couple; they were just so alike. ‘Uh..huh,’ ‘So, what are we going to do?’ she turned around, giving me a worried look. I pondered in thought. ’We are going to let him come here…’ ……….. Stroking the head of his horse in a gentle manner, Carmen sombrely sat on his knees and worked to keep his raging temper in control. The fire blazing through his veins was deadly and intense. Even now and then, he would clench his fists around the horse’s mane and breathe as emotions tried to empower his soul. The world wasn’t ready to face his jealous demons, yet. Tomorrow…he promised….tomorrow…he would get his obsession back. He had made a mistake by letting her go but no more. She was going to come back home. Just thinking about having someone else trying to snatch her away made hot anger break through his cold face. He wasn’t going to spare anybody. ‘Bradley’ that man was going to learn why exactly Carmen was the Mafia King….. HE WILL TAKE BACK HIS CROWN AND WEAR IT LIKE A TRUE KING… Delusional excitement and giddy emotions had filled the air. I could feel all the glamour weigh on my soul as my cousins and sister - in - law fed me some sweets. Today was the day I was about to marry someone who didn’t care, would never consider me worthy, all because I had decided to give up. I could actually feel my heart taunt me by the painful reminder of this was what I had once wanted; the shattering of this fantasy was one of the agonies that had forced me to spiral towards deep depression and anxiety. Yet, I no longer cared about that version of my fairytale. Bradley…his education, mannerism…nothing seemed to spark happiness because I had learned what being adored felt like. Part of me couldn’t help but bitterly chuckle over the irony of the events. I had been pushed by golden and saved by crude steel. But how does one define gold? Does one uses society’s definition, or can he form opinions of their own? I didn’t know. Yet painfully. I was aware of the fact that I had given in to society’s harsh ways and actually betrayed a heart. Even when realizing that I had started caring for Carmen, it had all been about me; my wounds were the only scars that matter, my heart was the only warmth that needed an embrace and my soul held the only cries that needed to be heard, which caused me to so easily to give up. It had never been about Carmen, but how he made me forgot my pain. I was actually quite selfish. And now, as the ceiling lights enacted as spotlights and solely focused on me sitting on the stage, I realized how this was not what I wanted. I didn’t want to be the only one who got cured… I wanted to cherish, too. It was no longer about me. It was about him, too. I HAD, TRULY, STARTED TO CHERISH. Thus, with silent tears echoing in my heart and glamour suffocating my soul, I kept my hands folded and, stoically, stared at the crowd before me. Just like last night, my wedding was a segregated event. The men were made to celebrate in the garden while the ladies were kept indoors. There was giddy excitement echoing in the air…happiness sprouting in different corners. My four - year - old cousin ‘Ava’ made sure to sit next to me, at all times. Kids tend to adore these dreamy sensations. I had been just like that; a hopeless dreamer. Watching everyone move around, my mom working on the flower arrangement, and children playing games, I couldn’t help but fidget and wonder when Carmen would show up. Would he be late? Would his heart fight again? Or would I have to fight, this time? I knew I would, but the consequences scared me. My heart…it was working to build up strength. Stilling as the chill wind made my soul shiver, I peered outside and gleam at the partially hidden moon. It was going to rain, soon. My stage, more like a wooden swing, had been set right next to an open window, up against a wall. There were yellow fairy lights twirled around it and pink cushions placed beside. In fact, the entire living room seemed to replicate a cute fairy house. My family wasn’t a believer in wasting wealth. But after all that I had been through, they wanted this wedding to lift everyone’s morals. Having a few flowers set in different corners and pink cushions sporadically placed all across the room, my parents had arranged a one-dish feast, for all of the guests and were distributing sweets around. Also, while elderly women were allowed to sit on the cornered sofas, the rest of the guests had to sit on the cushions and enjoy some yummy treats. Having my swing pushed in one corner, a bit away from the crowd, actually me to keep my anxiety at bay by observing the crowd and not getting caught. Mrs Nishaan seemed in a foul mood. Sitting formally on a sofa with folded hands, she was subtly glaring at Aisha, who was sitting in the middle of the room, and suppressing her emotions, having her son’s old fiancé show up at his wedding didn’t seem ideal. In fact, the animosity was so intense that Mrs Nishaan even carried this extravagant façade when she came to sit next to me and stuff me with so many sweets. There was unnecessary patting of the head, loud declarations about how her son was such a prize, and a long show of gifts. My heart cringed, as she purposely waved a golden necklace around before putting it back in the jewellery box. Aisha was blatantly ignoring all of these snubs. Sitting with my teenage cousins ‘Rosy’ and ‘Linny’ she was having henna applied on her hands and showing off her ruby earrings. She so belonged to Bradley’s family. I Chuckled at that thought. ‘Sarah. I have a gift for you.’ Ava, who had been clinging to my arm, now snapped me out of my reverie and made me turn towards her with a gentle smile. ‘Really?’ I cooed, pinching her cheeks with adoration. ‘Yes.’ She shyly offered me a pink flower. It was obvious that she had simply picked it out of the flower arrangements, but I didn’t have the heart to tell her that. She was really trying to please me, and I found it so cute. ‘Awww, thanks, Ava.’ I pulled her closer to me. ‘You are so sweet.’ Her eyes beamed at my remark. This innocent girl… I wanted her to stay like this, always. ‘Sarah.’ Finally managing to escape from the clutches of my impressed cousins, Aisha made her way towards me and sat down on the swing. My gaze instantly turned to eye Mrs Nishaan’s expression; she had been making sure that Aisha stayed away from me. ‘So, what are you planning?’ Aisha spoke in a low and anxious tone, letting go of her happy façade. My expressions tightened. ‘I am waiting for him to show up,’ I mumbled, making sure to face her only while to keep a cautious gaze around. No one was really paying attention to us, except for Mrs Nishaan. ‘What if he shows up too late? Bradley will be tortured.’ She panicked, making me pick Ava up and lean closer. ‘Hush… I can’t take any hasty decisions. My family’s reputation depends on it. I promise Bradley won’t get hurt, so you need to keep your cool,’ I cautioned, grabbing her hand. Ava had started playing with my floral bracelets. ‘I know. I am just so scared.’ Her eyes began gleaming with any shed tears, causing my own composure to shake. I couldn’t afford to break down, now. Not here. Not in front of so many people. One push all it would take. My heart was already wailing with regret. ‘Aisha, please…’ I begged, trying to keep my voice from cracking. ‘Not here.’ ‘I know.’ She desperately tried sniffing back her emotions and cracking a weak smile. I found my soul aching at those actions. We were hurting in front of a huge crowd, and no one could hear our pain. Such a shattering illusion. ‘Girls.’ My mom now walked up to us, carrying a huge tray filled with candies. Her arrival made Aisha and I quickly straighten up and hide away all remittances of sorrow. It was time to act, again, time to pretend that our hearts weren’t crushed. ‘Mind if I sit and treat my daughter with some sweets?’ ‘Course, Aunty.’ Aisha, quickly picking up Ava and getting up. My four-year- old cousin was not happy about that but gave in after being offered some sweets. Soon, all of my cousins gathered around my swing as Mom sat down next to me and began making me eat some treats. it’s how our family celebrated occasions- by eating something sweet. The elders of my family were watching this display with huge smiles on their faces. Laughs echoed as I jokingly tried to stop my mother from stuffing me with sweets. I was playing the part of a dutiful daughter and trying to keep the pain hidden behind momentary humour. I was a shattered mess. However, just as I was moving my head away from my mom’s hand and asking her to stop. I felt it. A strong power aura was outside the window, and he had just heard me sound so giddy and happy, so playfully rebuking my mother from cherishing me. Carmen. My heart cracked with horror and guilt. He couldn’t have picked the worst timings to show up. Immediately sobering up, I lowered my head and suppressed a few frustrated tears. Why was I messing everything up? He was finally here, and I had welcomed him with the sight of me moving on. I wasn’t. I was willing to fight, but he didn’t know that. The thought of him standing outside and hurting actually terrified me. What if he realized that he cared enough to get over his complexes and let me enjoy the happiness which I had faked? No…I wasn’t going to let him leave now. He hadn’t seen me, only heard, so he had no right to assume. Hearing the sound of metal harshly pound against the ground, which went ignored by my family, I winced in discomfort and figured out his choice. He was furious …jealous enough to fight. I knew he was here to create havoc…secretly thrilled that he hadn’t given up, but what was he going to do now? And what was I going to do? Suddenly, everything seemed super tense and unpredictable. Eager yet dreading Carmen’s next move, I felt so fidgety, anxious and stressed. He was outside. Any moment now, he was going to make his grand entry and completely destroy the mood of this wedding. I didn’t know how I was going to ponder up enough strength to side with him in matters that would surely break my family’s heart. ….. Red, hot and boiling rage seemed to be flowing in his veins as he picked up his metal crowbar and slammed it against the marble floor. He wasn’t going to lose. Not her, too. His mother had already given up on him, but he wasn’t going to let Sarah go. She was what made his world so warm amidst all the cold. She was his queen. Bradley…he was going to pay. Carmen felt furious about how that rich brat even thought that he was good enough for Sarah. He wasn’t. And Carmen was going to show him exactly what happens when you get in his way. Only a window away from Sarah, he cracked his knuckles in maniac fury and bitterly smirked. The night sky was clearing up now. There were rarely any people around, given that most of the men were inside a blue tent, situated right in the middle of the garden and lit by yellow lights, and the women were inside the house. Eyeing the lack of barriers with contentment because he just didn’t feel like wasting time, he simply snapped his fingers and had his black-masked men immediately pour out from different corners, release bullets in the air to announce their King’s presence, and round the blue tent with huge guns in their hands. Upon hearing the shots, a sudden sense of chaos and havoc immediately spread, as visible signs of hysteria and panic began echoing from both within the house and the blue tent. Distressed and terrified cries were now resonating in the air, along with the intense sound of people rushing around. Carmen didn’t even bother with them. Clenching his jaw and dragging his metal bar along, he began stomping towards the tent. There was maniac jealous and pure hatred gleaming in his eyes. He had been generous before, but not anymore. Bradley was going to regret his each and every move. A burning memory of Sarah enjoying sweets further twisted his heart…intensifying his raging emotions. It was by accident that he had been there. At that moment, he had actually felt a small part of his heart begging to just let her go, just like he had done before. But his mind…it wasn’t ready to lose, again…to let him deal with abandonment. Ouma’s failure to fight for him had really made him fear losing anyone else. No matter if he was strong enough or not, he was going to fight. HE SMILED AS HIS ROARING HEART FINALLY FELT AT PEACE; SHE HAD STAYED…. Turning blanched at the sight of my panicked relatives rushing to hide and plead for their lives, I tried to keep my nerves at bay as anxious cries of worry and confusion echoed across the air. Everyone was terrified… I could feel my heart break at the sound of anxious wails worrying about many of my family members that were outside. What was Carmen doing??