The Outcast 24

My parents didn’t want me to come downstairs today because it was of our family customs. So until the wedding, I was to stay away. I didn’t mind, I didn’t want to actually believe that this was happening. Sometimes, I felt like I had only said yes to punish myself for sympathizing with Carmen. It was like I was taking some kind of revenge…that was only affecting me. Bradley. I don’t think he deserved me being so fickle minded, but my conscience, it knew that he would still be hurting over Aisha, so I guess this move would be good for both of us, both betrayed and hurt by people we cared about. Bradley was someone who had once hurt me, too, but he wasn’t a bad man. This was a twist in our story, something only time would heal for us. Soon, the doorbell of my house rang, and I could sense visible excitement floating in the air. They were here. This was the moment that was supposed to make me feel giddy, shy, happy, but it didn’t. All I felt was a roaring void echoing so loudly in my heart and making me realize how I was still lost in that luxurious mansion…with those people. If it was Stockholm Syndrome, then why did it feel so right and safe? Why were those emotions so warm? Thus, came the tears, but no more. This was what I had always wanted, dreamed of, right? Pacing around my room in anxiety, I decided to sneak downstairs towards the kitchen and just grab an apple from the fridge. Stress made me eat… I needed to keep myself distracted and get something that would fill up the void which was busy tearing my sanity. Heading towards the staircase, I slowly neared its railing and stopped as I heard low whispers escaping from the lounge below. Our house’s staircase was built in such a manner that it led straight to our main lounge. The main doorway was only a corridor away from it. Thus, voices from the lounge were easy audible from the staircase. ‘They don’t have another CHOICE, MA,’ it was Bradley whispering. ‘Bradley, we still have to ask for early dates. Your father wants us to shift to Dubai as soon as possible. We can’t stay here anymore.’ ‘Ma,’ he drawled. There were such uncharacteristic arrogance and attitude slipping in his tone that I found it so hard to believe that this was Bradley. ‘We can shift there and then quickly return back for the function. It’s not like anyone would accept Sarah, anyway. She just came back home. People are already talking about her carrying a huge emotional - baggage. And frankly. I don’t want anything else to soil my image. Maybe, if we..’ ‘No,’ Mrs Nishaan lowly snapped. ‘Your father and I have decided. We are going to ask for next month’s dates,’ she announced, but I was too shocked to be focused on that. Bradley…how could he? He sounded so arrogant, so heartless and cruel, so unlike his own self. Was this the golden boy people praised? Was this what our society looked up to? I couldn’t believe how deceiving his personality had been, how much hate was hidden inside his soul. Was he always like this? I couldn’t believe it. It felt I had just witnessed the true colours behind a smoke screen. So many tears cried because of being rejected by this guy. I felt like such a big fool. Trying not to go downstairs and lash out, I quickly ran back to my room and slammed the door behind me. So many lies, so many facades. It had all been a lie. The golden boy wasn’t a beautiful loss, the bullies were never going to stop, the psycho wasn’t the saviour, and rejection, it wasn’t enough. I felt like life was teaching me how to not fret and just accept some wounds. Everything happens for a reason it was showing me the reasons. Feeling the ache throbbing in my heart, and knowing it was not even close to the pain Carmen had inflicted upon me, I dragged my feet towards my bed and collapsed down on it. My soul couldn’t take it anymore. Never good enough for this society, never. The people who had believed to be heroes were so cunning and dark, the people I wanted to sympathize with, they were just manipulating me. I was so lost and alone, the trickling down of tears. I just felt like no one could understand what I was going through. My heart, my soul, I was so alone. Rubbing my eyes childishly, just for the sake of it, I winced as something sharp pressed the back of my head. Turning around, it was one of mom’s magazines .’The Daily Crime Bits and Bobs’ tangled with my blankets. How did that get in there? I was about to put it away when my gaze fell upon a heading printed near the corner of the magazine ‘Inside the Mind of a Psychopath.’ That immediately caught my attention. I needed to read something relatable and healing…anything to answer my questions. Quickly turning the pages and finding the article, I began skimming through it. Inside the Mind of a Psychopath; an exclusive interview given by Detective Jolene. The words of the article were so mind-boggling, so depressing. Carmen had feelings, I had seen him feel, care and protect. He…it was a lie. The article just proved how much of a fool I was, triggering deep pain to keep on swirling in my soul and breaking my heart. I was just an easy punching bag for everyone. And Detective Jolene, it actually pang me that while I was kidnapped, she was giving an interview, treating my pain in such a callous manner. Were only psychopaths black - hearted? The article seemed to be targeting only the psychopaths, which made sense since it was based only on the psychology of psychopaths, but I wondered what about those white-collared criminals, the ones who were so callous and black-hearted when reaching for success. These kinds of criminals didn’t care who they would crush in the attempt of climbing up the social ladder, and the society was okay with that. What about them? When would people start talking about them and rebuking them? Was there only a specific definition for criminals? Were people who broke others hearts by their arrogance, greed and plain selfish ways not meant to rebuked by the society? I just couldn’t understand, but I knew that I was no longer going to fight these norms. Carmen had been a traitor…Bradley was only treating me as a convenience, which didn’t matter anymore because I no longer cared. People could toy with me, manipulate my emotions, or just make a plain fool out of me, it didn’t matter anymore. I was done fighting back. Here, I was completely accepting me defeat. No more. I was just going to go with the flow. Never allow my emotions to get invested and just let the world do whatever they wanted. I was done. Mr and Mrs Nishaan could set whichever day they wanted. I wasn’t going to step in their way and create a scene. Bradley, he wouldn’t have me being a hurdle in his way. I wasn’t going to let anyone know about this deception and just go with the flow; live in a shell and just breath in stale air. I was going to keep my heart locked up forever. YOU GET TO BECOME A FORGOTTEN SOUL WHEN YOUR HEART IS TENDER>>> The colours, strings and sweet boxes …a sense of celebration seemed to suffocate the air around me. Everyone was happy, there were gifts being exchanged, old memories being cherished. Having the wedding date only a week away really had everyone on their toes, all giddy emotions triggered, yet I couldn’t help but feel so disoriented, so disconnected with everything. Reality … I couldn’t embrace it. I wanted to hide away. There were sweet cooes, tender treatments, all of a sudden, I was being treated like a delicate soul, yet the emptiness just couldn’t be replaced. A beautiful moment of my life had been tainted with so much sorrow, pain, and anguish that I actually felt like grieving; so many realities had crushed the beautiful flavour of chasing after a fairytale. I wasn’t delusional anymore, I was actually breathing in the hurt. Being given the spotlight no longer tickled my complexes because I knew that nothing was constant, no emotions were heartfelt. People would stay only until the next wind blows the success of another. That is how I had started viewing the world, so fake, so deceiving, and so cryptic. Everyone seemed so insincere. Roaming around the messy corridors of my house, I couldn’t help but wince. My house seemed like it had just survived a chaotic storm. There were rose petals everywhere, in each corner. I would find an abandoned luggage bag, and all of my family relatives seemed pouring in and out of our guest rooms. It was a true wedding house. With my Mama and aunty out doing last minute shopping. I knew that this would be the perfect time to sneak out and just take a breath, away from all the mayhem. Crowds were never my thing. The breather I yearned for, it was living in stale air. Thus, avoiding my cousins, I tiptoed out of the house and headed for the gardens. The sun was just sinking behind the warm clouds, and I knew that once the first-star started to glimmer in the sky, the next day would be soon to arrive. I wasn’t prepared for that. I wasn’t prepared for the “Fast” pacing of time. It would crush me. Eyeing the circling trees with misguided interest while hearing the sound of mayhem escape out of the house, I couldn’t help but feel pang from being momentarily struck by the intense feeling of nostalgia. This was the time Ouma and Jean would have tea with me; two most real souls would bond with me. THE SINKING SUN SUDDENLY BECAME SO RELATABLE. With a sudden sob tugging at my throat, I knew that I might never be able to get over the memories, might never be able to avoid sinking in the depressing feeling of nostalgia, but I had to keep my heart numb and soul full of purpose. Bradley would change for me, and then, we would both move on. Lost, the sudden buzzing of my phone caught me off guard. Swiping its screen, I saw it was Dect. Jolene calling me. What did she want now? ‘Detective.’ ‘Sarah, you have to show up at the police station now.’ ‘Www -what?’ ‘Immediately!’ and with that, the call was cut. I was left standing gob smacked. What the hell? She sounded so worried, so stern, that I couldn’t but think that something big had happened, but what? She needed me, meaning it had to do something with Carmen which made a weird sense of hope trigger in my soul. Maybe, this was the twist that would snatch me from a life of comprising and hurt and push me back towards the extraordinary sensations I had cherished. Knowing that no one would really notice my disappearance for an hour because of all the wedding preparation, I decided to quickly take a taxi to the police station. I needed to know what was going on…why was I needed and whether there was a change of heart. ‘Sara,’ Dect Jolene pushed a file towards me as she sat down on the office chair, while I sat on the chair placed on the opposite side of the loaded desk. ‘These are the latest crimes Carmen has led. ‘Oh,’ I mouthed, eyeing the open file with wariness. There were hijacking cases, data hacking, codes stolen, confidential weaponry centres emptied. Carmen was doing everything a Mafia King would. ‘Okay, so why are you telling me this?’ My voice felt empty as I echoed my thoughts. He had turned to his old ways, that is his choice, but why was I needed? ‘Because his crimes have suddenly turned more obvious and aggressive. And not only that, he has recently kidnapped another, who sources are telling us he is marrying. Now we want to know that while you were kidnapped, did you notice any crucial, triggering elements that is making him act this way, any clue that can make us figure out how to finally trap him,’ However, instead of listening to her trail of questions, I was stuck on the phrase ‘MARRYING”. He, he was getting married.