The Outcast 18

ONCE UPON A TIME>>>> ‘I am only stopping because of you. But next time, I don’t want you to even step near this place. If ever I see you putting yourself in danger, someone will pay the consequences.’ His voice was cold, he didn’t even turn my way, yet his words had been warm. He had stopped because of me. My authority, my power, I was special. After being rejected, bullied, this stranger had treated me as someone with importance. Everything seemed bright. Having Jean, who was standing next to me, gave me a teasing smile, I shyly twisted my fingers and suppressed a smile. This was kind of flattering. A visible sound of relief could now be heard vociferating across the chamber, ensuring that the workers had finally managed to catch their breath. The emotional torture they went through was exhausting. Finally getting up from the ground, Carmen began walking towards Jean and me. We kept our gaze lowered to the ground, as we immediately stepped aside and waited for him to walk past us. ‘Come’, he began guiding us down the corridors of his dark lair. This was his place his, authority and charge could be seen defining his aura. Keeping close to each other, Jean and I obediently walked a few steps behind. The horrors of this place didn’t seem so horrible now that Carmen was here. Safely, when had I ever began associating this man with that word? “Sarah, I hope you didn’t mind my temper. I can be quite irrational when you are involved.’ he spoke conversationally. I didn’t say anything, keeping my eyes lowered. ‘Hmmm, I would like to believe it’s your new found habit of stuttering that is keeping you quiet.’ he continued, making me scoff. What the hell? Was he making fun of … ‘Because that its the most enjoyable thing I have ever witnessed,’ there was a teasing element in his confession. ‘but it’s your hatred that I just can’t accept. You hating me makes me want to destroy my, own self.’ Complete silence followed after that. The haunting cages were making the blood spilled on their floor shine, our footsteps seemed extra loud against the marble, but I couldn’t help but feel light. He had just cracked something similar to a joke before making a dark confession, but it had well natured, witty in a weird sense, and made me softly smile. Being someone’s obsession, treated as someone who could make or break his day, it was refreshing. A sudden light blow of a breeze made my already floating soul suddenly feel even more lifted and happy. I was happy, awed and feeling so …giddy. Carmen might be an insane psycho, but he wasn’t bad. He definitely wasn’t My days had suddenly turned so bright and dream - like. Brought back to the mansion, I was laughing more often now, this never happened while being engaged to Bradley. Both Jean and Ouma had now been allowed to stay with me. We would have warm dinners by the lakeside, take morning strolls on our horses. Racing was suddenly my newest hobby. My hometown, my family, I missed them so, but there was just too much hurt back there. The whole experience with dealing with Bradley’s rejection had shown me just how lonely my pain had been. There had been no consoling words, just ignoring of my pain, because that is what most of us do, we tend to ignore because accepting that our loved ones are in pain is one of the toughest experience ever. Now I just wanted Carmen to inform my family that I was safe, let me visit them often and flood them with luxurious gifts and wealthy to stay. I wasn’t sure if I wasn’t ready for this change. I still had to say yes, but this place, these people, they had my depression feel, mellow. Many say that depression is not a mental illness simply cured by kind words and immense attention, but people can give you hope. Words can be light and being taken care of, and 'adored', can make even the weakest person feel strong. A stranger’s obsession had become my strength. Nowadays, I was stuttering even more. There was constant, joyful tingling of my nerves. Carmen mostly stayed away from the mansion because he was waiting for me to say yes, but he made sure to have Jean make me read one of his favourite books every day. A person’s choice makes one get to know a lot about him. I realized that Carmen had quite a witty sense of humour and was actually fond of old literature, he adored reading about great histories, smart comedy, and enjoyed a rather poetic writing style, just like me. I went for depth and wealthy literature, too. Also, there were often gifts and dishes, which were personally made, overlooked by him, sent to my room. This man, the chauvinist, who had wanted me to handle all of the kitchen work, was now supervising food for me. Sweet. His choice in food depicted he didn’t mind eating torturous spices piled with loads of cheese. I wasn’t that tough, yet still ate the dishes because they clearly depicted that Carmen had, somewhat, tried to restrain himself for going frantic with the spices for me. How can one not appreciate that? Thus, with the constant lightness twirling in my heart, I would find myself how eager and interested in having Ouma tell me tales about Carmen’s childhood. I still didn’t know who exactly Jean was, but she had been there all throughout his youth. She would tell me joyful tales. In fact, sometimes, I felt like she wanted to tell me more, but Jean was always there. She wouldn’t let Ouma say anything out of line. What else could this family be hiding? I knew all about Carmen’s notorious past, his criminal background. I don’t think they needed to be cautious around me. I knew and was on my way to accepting; saying yes. I was happy. Leaning against the wall-length window which opened up to a huge balcony, Carmen was playing with a matchbox, lighting its matches on fire and watching them burn until the fire reached his fingertips. It was satisfying to see the destruction of so many weak and these sticks. It kept him calm, added more colours to his excellent mood. Quietly eyeing the blazing fire, he then closed his eyes and slowly inhaled the cold air. The smell of burning wood mixed with the Air Con’s air was so relaxing. Carmen could feel his nerves untangling, the constant stress on his mind blanking out for minutes. Having a brain that just absorbed too much was exhausting. There was too much to keep, too much for him to handle. His mind could be a torture place, sometimes. Feeling so profound, yet absorbing all the wrong emotions and reacting to completely unusual events was a torturous experience. A brain with so much space and ability needed strength to be dealt with, and Carmen only felt that strength when Sarah wasn’t hating him, hadn’t rejected him. His demons, they had never been calm. For the first time, they were even willing to shed tears for another. He was an extremist who felt emotions with and intense flare, yet, his fiery emotions had always been about him, his obsession, his intensity of caring of hating , he would be willing to destroy for others because his emotions had him feel powerfully intense, but this time it was all about her. She had weakened his demons and became a fresh wave, His head didn’t hurt anymore. He was breathing, for that wave. The room’s purple curtain had been pulled together, allowing the moonlight to enter from the sides of the curtains, and there were only candles which were placed on a side table and lighting up the entire room. Carmen kept his back towards the window. ‘You need to tell her,’ there went his calmness, causing him to snap open his eyes. Ouma was sitting on her bed, slowly inhaling in oxygen from her oxygen tank. Carmen has chosen to have dinner in her room and simply be there for his mom. He had always been closer to his mom than his dad. She loathed him, but which one of his parents didn’t? ‘I can’t,’ he simply responded, lighting yet another match and having the striker scratch against his fingertips. His gaze was quick to follow the path of burning wood. “Then I will,’ Ouma’s voice sounded muffled because of the mask. Both the matchbox and match stick were immediately crushed between Carmen’s hands. He kept his expressions bored as he eyed his mother with suppressed tension. ‘Will you really?’ he raised an eyebrow. ‘Because if you are all about spilling secrets, would you mind also telling her why you used to allow your only son to be kept looked up in basements, have mask glued against his face?’ That was one of Ouma’s weakness. The guilt of her past, she never got over how she had been so callous towards her only son. ‘That was a mistake, but.’ ‘Ah, but, Mom,’ Carmen lowly chuckled, folding his arms. ‘What I did wasn’t even a mistake. In fact, I did nothing at all but simply used words. I think I was actually quite generous.’ ‘Your step dad was right about you,’ she retorted. ‘You aren’t normal. My son, we should have sent you to get help and support a long time ago. What you are doing isn’t right. Spare this girl, please, she is innocent. She needs to stay away from this messed up place. You have to tell her what truly happened.’ Ouma had surely chosen a wrong moment to zone back to rationality. Carmen could feel his demons roaring. Never, Sarah could never know. Why was his own mother adamant in taking away the one person that didn’t torture his demons? He was caring, acting a bit more human, shouldn’t that be enough for his mom? ‘And do you really think that step - Papa is reliable enough to pass judgements?’ He kept himself calm. No matter what, he truly did care about his mother. “He said there was something wrong with you… showed me your journals. He even told me to send you away, to get some treatment, but I never listened, I didn’t listen.’ There was regret in her tone which further flared Carmen’s temper. ‘Well, if you were to send me, then you would also have to send step-Papa away, too, and we both know you would have never done that.’ he retorted, pressing his thumbs between his fingers; another habit to keep his calm. She simply shook her head in a defeated manner. ‘You have disappointed me, son. In fact, I deeply regret the way I raised you I remained quiet when your name began appearing most wanted but no more. That girl, I adore her, and I won’t let you destroy her life.’ ‘Like you allowed step - Papa to destroy mine?’ ‘He was never wrong in not loving you. The demon you had become. We could never accept that, and don’t force Sarah to accept that either because she can’t and never will.’ That panged his heart, the mind that felt everything and anything, that was excruciating. His demons, they were no longer laughing, only sobbing in anguish. Anger, rage, and frustration. Not wanting to echo his roaring temper, he simply nodded and walked out of the room. Unwanted, not acceptable, everyone just spoke the same words over and over again. Unacceptable, insane, psycho. Why was he bothering with the hate of this worlds? Everyone had the same excuse. Stomping to his base in the main grounds, he stepped inside his office, lit up the lights and punched the nearest wall in aggression. Not worthy, not acceptable, never acceptable. Why did every person taunt his demons in the most belittling ways, he hated it, hated how his own emotions were sometimes his downfall. He knew that emotions could be manipulated, used that tack to manipulate many, but when it came to his obsession, his emotions were getting the best of him. He had never been bested before. His soul ached for one chance which no one was willing to give.'Sad'. Feeling bitter, frustrated and annoyed, he collapsed down on the floor, leaned against the wall and began rubbing his temples in an aggressed manner. He left like simply giving up on his chase already. Reality had struck hard, she wouldn’t accept him anyway. It had been so long and she still hadn’t said yes. Maybe, she never would. Carmen wasn’t oblivious to the fact that no one can care about you more than your own parents, so if his parents had given up on him, why wouldn’t she? His type, his senses, many didn’t get them. ‘Boss,’ suddenly his office door slammed open and in walked one of his workers.’ The girl has strolled inside your animal and weaponry enclosure pit. She is trapped somewhere. She needs your help immediately!’ Immediately, his demons roared out in fierce protectiveness but there was a defeat in his stance. What was the point of being her saviour when she probably deserved someone so much better? She probably didn’t need him, anyway. ‘Go and immediately get the lady guards to take some guns and help her out of that place! Make sure she returns back completely unharmed. A scratch and you know what will happen. Also, I don’t want anyone to disturb me for a couple of hours, understood?’ ‘But, Sir..” ‘Immediately.’ ‘Yes, sir,’ and with that, the door closed, locking Carmen in his own isolation, with his brain being his greatest enemy and soul aching with bitterness. He was mad at himself, at many other who had destroyed his illusion. -SOMETIMES, WHILE SOARING FOR THE SKIES, YOU FALL DOWN IN THE DARKEST PITS WITH NO AIR TO BREATHE AND NO SHOULDER TO LEAN UPON- Like rosy petals moving along the cool breeze, dewdrops shining under the first ray of the morning sun and warm cocoa warming your entire soul, I was floating. The stars seemed brighter, the world had suddenly turned into a bright new world. Carmen’s confessions, they had gained a whole new purpose, become a longed memory. ‘Detective Jolene had been working for the police task force for a very long time. She is a renowned detective, alongside her husband, and has the work experience of 31 years. She has solved many deadly mysteries and crimes and has especially taken out time to answer some questions regarding the most recent and mind-boggling case she is trying to solve these days, the case of a kidnapped young girl by a notorious psycho has been the talk of towns, these days.’ Interviewer: Detective Jolene, thank you for taking out some time for our newspaper. The most recent kidnapping case has really jolted many hearts, and we well are eager to know about the status of the task force regarding this whole situation. Can you tell us where is the police standing at the moment? Detective Jolene: Firstly, it’s no problem. Our police force has always looked after the safety of people, and we can’t accept this sudden rise in fear which is spreading throughout our country, so are more than eager to keep the people updated regarding this whole situation. The kidnapping of that young girl has truly been a devastating tragedy, and the police force is working day and night to collect enough leads on this case which help in bringing the girl back. ……….to be continued in the newsroom.