The Outcast 15

As the last candle dimmed, I headed out of my hall. My heart… it was just too overwhelmed. I felt like pacing. Ignoring the growing coldness beneath my feet, I began walking around, with my nails chewed so much that they had started hurting badly. There were so my thoughts running in my mind, so many questions; why was a woman expected to heal a broken man? Why did she have to deal with that? Then again, would it truly feel good leaving a broken person behind, refusing to help?? How could one save and not get pierced in the process? I was already losing my insanity because of what Carmen had put me through. How much more could I take? In fact, how could I even try saving him? So lost in my thought, my senses alerted as I stepped inside the kitchen. Carmen, his voice could be heard coming inside from the kitchen’s back door. He was outside, sobbing and crying, outside, talking with someone. ‘Ouma, I won’t hurt her! She is safe. She is with me. I would destroy before I let anyone get even an inch close near her. She has accepted me,’ He lied, making me frown. ‘NO, Ouma, she is asleep now. I am just outside making sure no-one gets to her. She is happy here. She isn’t like the rest. She cares, Ouma, she cares. She is better than Sofie, better than me, so much better than me,’ he hiccupped, making my heart pang. This was wrong, so messed up, but I could feel the pain, this psychotic hysteria, it deeply traumatized me about everything. ‘Good night, Ouma. Don’t worry. She is with me. No one will hurt her as long as she is with me. She is all that I have,’ I titled my head up at that. That loneliness, so relatable, so tangible. Could I really give this man a chance? ‘Sweet dreams, Ouma,’ And with that, there was complete silence, followed by a depressed sigh. ‘I know you are listening, Sarah,’ he suddenly called out, making my heart stop. NO, I mean this was embarrassing, so wrong to eavesdrop on someone’s conversation. I didn’t mean to, I just got carried away. ‘Ummm’ ‘It’s getting late, I don’t want to see you up so late. Go to your room and sleep,’ he authoritatively ordered, making me wince. No black and greys. I was no longer going to act so naively. ‘Okay, but I would like to see your favourite horse ‘Pegasus’ in the morning if that’s okay with you,’ this was my first step. A chuckle escaped into his voice as he lowly spoke, ‘Of course, whatever you want,’ I smiled at that and walked back to my room. Somehow, the guilt was lessening. Hearing Sarah walking away, Carmen lowered his gaze and allowed a small smirk to appear on his face. It worked, like always, it worked. ‘Ma’am, bad news. We located the GPS coordinates. They are located in some local country-side restaurant.’ ‘What? That means.’ ‘That’s right Ma’am. All this time, he has been on to us. He was never fooled. He probably made us feel in control so he could get away.’ ‘The girl?’ ‘She is in great danger, Ma’am…extremely great danger.’ Jolene took her yellow pad out from her drawer, she read the penned words blackening the page, ‘Many toxic parents compare one sibling unfavourably with another to make the target child feel that he’s not doing enough to gain parental affection. This motivates the child to do whatever the parents want in order to regain their favour. This divide-and-conquer who become a little too independent, threatening the balance of the family system.’ ‘I KNOW HE IS A DELUSION, YET I BELIEVE IN HIS FAÇADE..’ The morning sun rose early, and I was already in the stables with Jean beside me. She was introducing me to all of Carmen’s horses. ‘Here is pumpkin.’ She patted a small pony, running her fingers through its white mane. She can literally, flies with the wind.’ ‘Awww, she is so cute,’ I cooed, eyeing the natural star - shape formed in the middle of the horse’s forehead. ‘How old is she?’ ‘Two years old,’ she informed, walking ahead. There were workers around us feeding the horses. I was quite amazed by Carmen’s collection of horses. There were a lot of white horses, brown Kings, a dark blue steed, red and white breeds, and the infamous ‘Black Stallions.’ I felt so rowdy. Jean had, jokingly, even given me a brown cowboy hat and boots to enjoy the experience. The weather was cloudy and dreamy, today, and the wind seemed cool enough. I was loving the breeze. ‘Here,’ she walked towards a mighty black stallion, who was given the biggest room of the stable. The horse seemed super royal and pampered, surrounded by tonnes of apples and haystacks. ‘This is Pegasus,’ she beamed, taking me near the horse in curiosity. This was Carmen’s favourite horse? He was huge, so mighty looking and well - fed. ‘Can I pet him?’ I hesitantly asked, stepping closer to Pegasus. ‘No, he only allows Carmen to pet and feed him. In fact, no one can even ride this horse except Carmen. Pegasus is irritatingly loyal and devoted to his master.’ ‘Just like I am loyal to you,’ Carmen suddenly appeared from behind, making me jump and immediately lower my gaze, my carefree ways more composed now. Backing away, I waited as Carmen walked towards his pet and began running his fingers through the horse’s mane in a loving manner. ‘Come here,’ he cajoled me. ‘I will show you how to feed Pegasus.’ Hesitant, with Jean by my side, I moved till I was only an inch away from the horse. ‘Grab an apple and feed him He won’t do anything.’ Carmen assured, making me gulp and grab an apple which was placed on a haystack. Shaking, I neared the haystack towards Pegasus’s mouth and jumped as he aggressively turned his face away from me. ‘Shhh, down, Pegasus, ‘Carmen began petting the horse’s mane. ‘You are not going to hurt her. Let her feed.’ There was a bit of a commanding edge escaping into his tone. Pegasus immediately calmed down. Gulping, I tried again and smiled as Pegasus took the hay from me in a rather haughty and arrogant manner. Just like his master. ‘He is fond of you already,’ Carmen announced, making me chew on my thumbnail. I didn’t know what to say. ‘Hmmm, Jean, take her out to the fields. Show her the gift I have got for her. I will be here with Pegasus,’ He then announced, making Jean nod and drag me outside. The way Carmen was with his pet, it showed me a whole new side, a softer side, a less cruel side. I was so conflicted. Outside, I gasped at the sight of a gorgeous white horse being held by the reigns. She was neighing and looked so happy. Jean pulled me toward it. ‘This is your gift, Sarah.’ ‘What.’ ‘This horse is yours to keep,’ she smiled, making my eyes grow widened. My horse? Was Carmen seriously gifting me a rather expensive horse? What? This was crazy insane. I was already attached to it. Not believing her at all, I hesitantly neared the horse and felt my heart almost melt as it fondly yet gently bumped its head with mine and let out of a happy neigh, its way of showing affection. Awww. ‘Now come on.’ Jean probed. ‘Take her for a ride. She is super friendly and seems to love you already.’ ‘Are you serious?’ I turned towards her in sheer denial. ‘You aren’t pranking me, are you?’ ‘No, now go, take a ride. We won’t stop you. Just keep in mind that trying to escape will get you nowhere. This place is surrounded by guards.’ I rolled my eyes at that. Turning towards my pet, I climbed on it and laughed as the horse began neighing in joy. She was so friendly and energetic. How cool. Grabbing my pet’s reigns, I was off riding towards the horizon. The rush of wind felt so refreshing. I had never felt so loud, so alive. This was freedom. Even back at home, I had never felt this free. This lovely horse, my new ‘Cotton Cloud’ she was making sure that I didn’t fall off my horse. Laughing as the horse galloped in the air and led me towards some woods situated at the end of the gardens, I felt so light. The woods had warm sunshine falling on its floor through gaps and twists. There were delighted chirps echoing in the air, friendly sounds echoing around me. I could even hear the sound of refreshing water trickling with joy. This place was amazing, all my worries, they seemed so far away now. I was living it, was one with the wind. Cotton Cloud was neighing all the way, and I couldn’t help but think that this was the best gift I had ever received. She was amazing. Thank you, Carmen. Stopping only when we reached a lake, I got off my horse and petted its mane. ‘Good job, Cotton Cloud,’ I cooed, causing her to affectionately rub her head against my hand. She was so tamed, so lovable. ‘Why don’t you drink some water and then we can go back?’ I gently gestured towards the light blue lake, making the horse nod in understanding. She could understand me. OF course, she could. She seemed quite fond of humans. Fondly, I watched as Cotton Cloud began eagerly drinking water from the pond while I sate beside her and hugged her neck from the side. So sweet. CARMEN, he really was trying. I could see that. Although his ways were all wrong, yet no one had ever tried to impress me like this. Me, the known rejectee of my family, me, the one bullies claim to be a complete weirdo, it all seemed so surreal. Mesmerized and at complete at peace, I jumped as I suddenly hear a loud sound of hissing from behind me. What the heck? Turning around, my soul trembled at the sight of a snake nest located under a nearby tree. Two huge snakes were now peering out of it, hissing aggressively in my direction. I started to panic. NO,NO,NO. ‘Cotton Cloud,’ I lowly called out to my horse, but the poor girl was in so much fear. Scared, she got up and galloped straight towards the nest in a mighty act of heroism, I screamed at her to stay away. However, once one snake nastily struck in her direction, she was off galloping away, leaving me behind with extremely aggravated snakes. I was trembling. The snakes had been teased, provoked, they were in attack mode now. I could feel huge tears flowing down my face as I kept my gaze on the snakes and cautiously began backing away. They were close now, so any sudden or sharp move would make them immediately attack. Trembling and extremely traumatized, my heart jumped as the woods suddenly shifted and in came a black stallion literally jumping in front of me. Carmen, he was here. How? Had he been stalking me? Yet, I have never felt so happy in his presence before. Watching with hope, my nerves shook as I saw Carmen immediately get off the horse and be quick in grabbing the ‘caught - off - guard’ snakes by their heads, him not even caring as they coiled tightly against his arms. HISSSSSSS, the snakes coiled tighter and tighter around his arms… ‘Get on Pegasus,’ he then sternly commanded. I didn’t even need to be told twice. Quickly climbing on Pegasus’s back, I wiped my tears and was soon holding tightly as it galloped me away from the lake, back towards the main mansion. I never felt so relieved, so grateful. Upon reaching the stables, as the tension disappeared, I actually realized how selfish I had been for leaving Carmen behind. He had rescued me, saved me…and I had just left. The guilt pricked me. I should go back. About to mount back on Pegasus, I jumped as the stable door’s suddenly slammed open and Carmen came barging in, with maniac fury in his stance. I partially hid behind Pegasus’s left side in fear. ‘Never,’ he stomped towards me, ‘never am I going to see a single tear flowing down your face. I will crush whoever dares make you do so, but you aren’t going to shed a single tear. Am I clear?’ ‘Yes,’ I kept my head lowered. ‘Good.’ he nodded and turned around, heading back outside while absently petting Pegasus’s head on his way out. I could see blood dripping behind. Oh no, He got wounded for me. This was the moment. It was at this time that I felt my heart melt. No one had ever done that for me. No one had ever willingly done this much for me. I felt impressed and awed. What the HELL?