PAN. 2

DIE PAN “Part 2” I’m from a coloured township called “Die Pan”. Some call it “Woes Pan” due to the high rate of gang violence that plagues it. I was born here and lived the biggest part of my life in “Die Pan”. I’ve had my fair share of living in fear. More specifically, I’ve been very close to death…. We drove from Pietermaritzburg to Matatiele on a rainy night. I would have preferred to leave the next morning but Wayne and Brawny insisted we leave under the bad weather conditions. It was two against one; and although I was the most sober, they won. I should’ve known it was a recipe for a disaster but I kind of hoped the recipe would flop. It turned out fate was a real good Cook and tonight she cooked up a storm. It’s the story of my life; I allow myself to be dragged into all kinds of trouble with no valid excuse. It’s been almost ten years since the incident at Mama’s Place with Ninja yet nothing much changed. I was seated front - left with a bottle of Jack Daniels hugged between my thighs, Brawny was in the back spilling alcohol all over himself and the seat covers. Wayne was driving. Wayne had too much to drink to drive but somehow whenever he had a drink, he always had good control over the wheel. He could still “dangle”, as we called it in “Die Pan”. Anyway, that didn’t bother me, what bothered me a lot was the rain and a slippery road. I remember looking at the tyres on the pimped-up Golf before we left and they weren’t up to standard. We were about 121km’s outside of Ixopo. The whole world was covered in a blanket of complete darkness except for the car’s headlights leading the way. The car was hot inside. We couldn’t open the windows because it was raining cats and dogs, as the saying goes, on top of it, the air-conditioner was broken. If ever I suffered from claustrophobia, it was then. I tried to keep my calm just staring at the raindrops on the windshield. They looked like hundreds of little jelly tots dispersing to the edges of the windscreen. Every now and then lightning would strike somewhere far away in the horizon and for a split second the darkness would fall away. In that split second you could see the vast surrounding veldt and the randomly scattered thorn trees. You could see the telephone or power lines stretching across kilometres. I found relief in those split seconds because it reminded me that the world is not reduced to the confines of the car. “Maak vol.” Brawny said as he handed me the glass. In my own opinion, Brawny has had enough. If I turned him down we were bound to listen to him rant and rave about how he is a grown man and how he can make his own decisions. Brawny is the type of guy that sticks to what he wants regardless of how irresponsible it is. So, I fulfilled my duty as the barman. There hasn’t been conversation for the last hour and a half and the silence just added to my claustrophobia. I switched on the radio and Black - eyed - Peas came on…… They say some people know when they are about to die. I never banked on premonitions. Not until that song came on. It was as if the angel of death spoke to me. On any given day I would have enjoyed listening to the song but at that moment it turned my stomach upside down. It was as if someone was slowly pulling a bobbed wire through my heart. The moment I got into the car I knew something wasn’t right and my suspicions were becoming stronger as the minutes came and went. It was too late to turn back, I thought, I might as well ride it out. Brawny’s cell phone rang and surprisingly he found the green button and answered: “Halo …..halo,skat….oppad Matatiele toe…..van Maritzburg…” I looked at Brawny in the rearview mirror and I saw his face contort. “Ha a! Ek gaan nou nie met jou stry oor nonsense nie… Ek se dan ons is oppad …” he said while half his drink spilled on the seat. “Hoe bedoel jy? Moet ek jou dan alles se wat ek doen? …” He listened, shook his head and switched off his phone. We sat in silence waiting for Brawny to talk about the phone call. This was nothing new. “Brawny, het jy vi Millie gese ons gaan Matatiele toe? I asked. “Nee, vewat?” He said and drank from his glass. ‘Jissis, Brawny,” Wayne said, “Sien jy hoe kom like jou vrou ons nie? Van jy jag sulke nonsense aan. Hoekom het jy haar nie gese ons gaan Matatiele toe nie?” “Hoekom hou jy nie net jou neus uit ek en my vrou se besigheid uit nie?” “Brawny, dit gaan nie oor jy en jou vrou nie.” I said, “Millie groet ons eens as ons by jou huis kom nie want sy dink ons forseer jou om so aan te gaan.” “Moen jy nie begin met my nie, Mr Perfect .” He said. ‘Ek ken wat steek jy weg innie closet.” “Brawny, how net jou bek, man. Jy’s dronk jy.” Wayne said. I was confused by what Brawny said. “Wat bedoel jy?” I asked. “Moenie skynheilig issie. Ek ken.” He said. “Brawny, hou jou blere bek, man!” Wayne said. “Nee, laat hy praat.” I said. “Ek ken van jy en Nookie. Jou vrou kennie van jou hoerdery. Nou kom jy en jy wil vi my se van my huwelik.” Brawny said. “Jissis, Brawny, Jy’s nou rerig n moegoe djy.” Wayne said. I was struck and lost for words. There was only one person I told about Nookie. Wayne. I looked at him and I could tell that my eyes were burning him. There was silence in the car. We all just sat there listening to Black - eyed - Peas. I had no idea how to respond to Brawny. I just starred outside the window into blackness. I could see a faint reflection of myself. As faint reflection of myself. As faint as is it was, I could see how awfully pale I look. There were little drops of sweat running from my hairline down to my neck. I thought of my wife at home. My trusting wife. Patiently waiting on her husband. I was given the opportunity to live my life alongside a beautiful and caring woman and I spoiled it all for a one night with Nookie. It wasn’t worth it, not by a long shot. It’s a time in my life I wish I could just erase from my head but never could. It always recurs. I thought of confessing and taking what ever punishment she dealt but I knew if I told her I slept with her sister, she’d leave me. And that’s punishment I would not be able to bare. As I sat in thought, the lightning struck and my eye caught something moving in the veldt to my left. A fraction of a second was not enough to identify the object but it was there. “Het julle dit gesien?” I asked. Wayne looked around him and ahead of the road. “Wat?” I thought of describing what I saw but couldn’t come up with something that would make sense. I looked outside the window again waiting for lightning. A strange feeling crept over me. It felt both good and scary. Like the first time you have sex. My eyes tried to pierce through the darkness with no luck. If only lightning could strike again. And it did…. About thirty meters away a Kudu was approaching at an unbelievable speed. A huge beast with swirling horns jumped into the air over a fence. It’s direction was sure. It’s gallop was heavy and strong. It was heading right to us. I saw it all in a split second. My face turned ice cold and my heart stopped. “Stop!” I yelled at Wayne. He jerked a little and looked at me as if to ask me if I’m crazy. But it was already too late. The kudu closed in so fast that no matter how good a driver you are, it was inevitable. At the last second I clearly heard its hooves stamp the ground as it galloped toward the front of the car. I saw its blank eyes. There was absolutely nothing in those eyes. As the car collided with the kudu, every second after was a horrific entity on its own. All the while Black -eyed - Peas sang….. Tonight’s the night Let’s live it up I got my money Lets spend it up Go out and smash it (smash it) Like Oh my God (like oh my God) Jump off that sofa (c’mon) Lets Kick it up Fill up my cup (Drink) Mazel tov! (Le haim) Look at her dancing (Mooove it, Mooove it) Just take if off… Lets paint the town (Paint the town) We’ll shut it down (shut it down) Lets burn the roof and then we’ll do it again and again Count to 7 and start singing again… They sang as the car rolled.