Pan. 1

DIE PAN

I’m from a coloured township called “Die Pan”.  Some call it “Woes Pan” due to the high rate of gang violence that plagues it.  I was born here and lived the biggest part of my life in “Die Pan”.  I’ve had my fair share of living in fear.  More specifically, I’ve been very close to death….

It was the night before my father’s birthday party.  My parents, aunts, uncles and their children and some friends were all at our place.  The women were all in the kitchen, preparing food for the party feast and gossiping about everyone that was outside an audible distance.  The men were all in the living area playing dominoes and cracking corny jokes.  From somewhere inside the house, a CD - player was playing Jim - Reeves.  The little ones were playing in the front yard on the lawn and every now and then one of them would go crying to their mom or dad.

I was in the back yard with the big boys.  My two older sister’s friends, Gary, Wayne and Brawny allowed me to hang around with them.  I was 16 then and they were all over twenty years.  I wanted to hang with them so bad because they were COOL.  The slick way they talked, the bounce in their walk, their tattoos, jewellery, everything about them was awesome. They were respected and feared by many (but not all).  I wanted to be Like them so I had to be Around them.  We drank a case of Black Label and a bottle of Klipdrift.  The older people didn’t know about this of course.  To me, beer tasted horrible and Klipdrift worse.  But I couldn’t let the big boys notice my disdain for alcohol; they would’ve thought me a sissy.  It was on this occasion that I picked up a nasty smoking habit.  Somehow, the more beer I drank, the more I wanted to smoke.  I was having fun.  It was the wrong way but never the less, fun.  Everything was good … but not for long.  

Now, here is the conflict: if you are walking around in the streets of “Die Pan”, you are asking for trouble.  This was peak hour for gang fights.  And you won’t even need to be part of a gang to get dragged into one of them.  It just happens.  Plus, even though Gary, Wayne and Brawny were popular on the block, they also had enemies.  Brawny’s biggest rival was Ninja.  Ninja was a dangerous criminal who’s been in and out of prison more than a prison guard.  Brawny used to date Ninja’s sister but the relationship turned sour so, he dumped her.  This, of course, made Brawny the bull’s - eye on Ninja’s hypothetic dartboard. Here is the core of the conflict: All the shebeens would be without stock by 7pm, except for the biggest and most popular one, Mama’s Place.  Owned by our dear friend. Ninja.  I was thinking this as I watched Gary down the last Black Label.  He wiped his mouth and uttered the dreaded words I wish he never did….

“Ouens, ons moet nog buur gaan koop.”

They all agreed and prepared to leave.  I was struggling to decide whether I should go with them or not.  Obviously I was afraid to go but I had to prove I was one of Them now.  So, I went.  Who knows, I thought, maybe we’d find beer at some other shebeen and won’t have to go to Mama’s Place.  I wasn’t allowed to leave and had to sneak out of the yard without my father seeing me.  I could tell by the laughter around the dominoes table that they wouldn’t notice me exit through the gate.  Just as I walked away, I turned to look back.  I saw my father seated at the dominoes table, bent over back, holding his stomach, laughing so hard that tears ran down his face.  It didn’t occur to me that it could have been the last time I ever see him.  

It turned out Mama’s Place was to be our last resort.  We strolled down Starling Street.  The big boys were play-fighting and jabbing at each other.  Every now and then one of them would flirt with the girls that were dressed in what we use to call “Nuwe - Klere.”  People were singing out loud and some were dancing to music.  It seemed to me the whole world was celebrating and having fun.  I, on the other hand, was blowing the fuses of my nerves.  My heart rate accelerated as we got closer and closer to Mama’s Place.  I took a few deep breaths to calm myself.

When we reached Mama’s Place, I was surprised to see the shebeen not crowded as it usually was.  Ninja and his band were seated on the lawn smoking dagga.  You could smell it in the air.  They noticed us and we noticed them.  For a second, something thicker then the dagga clouds filled the air.  You couldn’t see, hear, smell or taste it but you could definitely feel it.  Tension.  I looked at Ninja; his face was stained with scares.  Proof of stab wounds that once bled from his face.  Where it was supposed to be white, his eyes were a brownish - yellow hidden behind a cap he wore low over his brow.  His neck was covered in tattoos that spoke of the codes gang use in prison.  Tattoos on his arms and on his hands.  On the tips of his knuckles.  I fought to look away because I feared that he might see me looking at him.  After the moment passed, Ninja went on to talk with his band as though he didn’t even notice us.  I sighed.

Gary and Wayne went inside to go buy the drinks and Brawny and I waited outside.  It was the longest two minutes of my life.  I kept praying that neither Ninja nor Brawny would “rock the boat” as the saying goes.  I made sure not to look in their direction.  It was as if my eyes would physically hurt if I looked directly at Ninja.  I was trembling all over and my legs were becoming weak.  When Gary and Wayne returned with a case of Black Labels and a bottle of Klipdrift, I almost said.  “Thank God” out loud. It was time to go home.  It was all over …..I thought.  Then, as we left Mama’s Place…..

“Somme klomp dom ouen daai”  Ninja said and they all laughed.

Brawny turned around, “Wat se jy?”

“Jesus.”  I said to myself.

“Ek se julle’s klomp dom ouens julle.”  Ninja said and got on his feet.  At that point, I knew it all was going uphill from here.  I expected Gary or Wayne to tell Brawny to just leave it be.  But I guess Ninja had already crossed the point of no return.

 “ Se jy ek is a dom ou?’  Brawny said and walked back to the gate.  “Hey, sannie Ninja, Ek gaan jou slaan.”

“Staan uit, skelm.  Ek lus jou lank seer maak.” Ninja said as he walked closer to Brawny.  “Jy vat mos my sister virre a moegoe djy.”  I saw him reach for his pocket and you didn’t have to be a genius to know what he was to take out.

Brawny strode to attack Ninja bare hands, “Now gaan jy sien!”  When Brawny came close enough, Ninja grabbed him by his collar with one hand and started swinging a knife across his face with the other.  Brawny bent over back to escape the knife.  I stood frozen for a while until I heard Gary and Wayne drop the case of beer.  Gary took out one Black Label and busted the bottom part on the tar surface, Wayne followed suite.  They ran to Brawny’s aid.  When Ninja’s band noticed the intervention, they too got up and conveniently had their knives open and ready for action.  Gary and Wayne started swinging their broken bottle tops at Ninja’s band.  I ran towards Brawny to pull him away from Ninja.  The two were rolling around on the ground by now.  There was blood and dirt all over their clothes.  The more I tried pulling Brawny away, the more he pushed me away from him.  Suddenly, one of Ninja’s companions pulled on my shirt from behind and I ended up on my back.  While I was down, he kicked the side of my face and for a second the pain was so bad, I thought I was dying.  Instantly my face turned numb.  As if it wasn’t enough, he came and sat on me and lifted his knife to bring it down on my face.  I used my arm as a guard and the knife sank somewhere close to my elbow.  I don’t remember feeling any pain but I heard something crack.  He swung it again but this time I caught his wrist in my hand and tried to grab his face with my other hand.  Had I let go, he would have killed me.  As we struggled, Gary came from behind and a sickening thump followed as Gary broke a beer bottle on my opponents head.  He fell limp to the side.  Gary helped me up and together we started running.  Brawny and Wayne was already ahead of us.  Huge stones flew passed us as we ran.

“Ons gaan wee meet, julle dom ouens!”  I hear Ninja yell behind me.

We ran. Ran until we couldn’t breathe any more.  I stopped and turned.  We were safe.  We all paused to take a breath.  None of us said a word.

We strolled down Starling Street back home.  When I reached our gate, I heard the sound of Jim - Reeves singing “ Blue Boy’.  The sound was sweet.  I saw the kids still playing around on the front yard and dominoes being swung down hard on a table.  I heard laughter.  I heard my parents’ voices.  I’ve never been happier to be alive.  As I entered, it was as if I was walking on Holy ground.  As if any minute, angels from God would come and spread their wings around me. 

I was soaked in blood and sweat, and half my face was swollen and throbbing as if it had its own heartbeat.  Blood trickled down my arm to the tips of my fingers yet, I was in heaven .

I’m from a coloured township called “Die Pan” or “Woes Pan” due to the high rate of gang violence that plagues it.  I was born here and lived the biggest part of my life here.  I’ve had my fair share of living in fear.  More specifically, I’ve been very close to death…….