GUILTY 35

Winston Waters June 1,2016 The worst is over and behind us. Emerald’s abduction, Rosie’s plot for vengeance - everything. The police initially suspected that I had something to do with Rosie’s death, as to be expected. But once they found both Emerald and Clementine being held with Teddy White, blamd fell on him. Once he was arrested, he admitted to taking the children, but denied any involvement in Rosie’s murder. Told them he found her like that. They didn’t believe him, of course. Why would they believe anything that man says? It works in my favour, though. No one will ever know what really happened that morning. After she fell, I felt for a pulse, but there was nothing. She was gone, just like that. There was nothing. There was nothing I could do. I weighed out my options. I could call an ambulance, but there would be no point. She was already dead. I could have called the police, but I knew how that would look, especially with all the factors, Emerald going missing the day before, a full analysis of the body would have shown she was pregnant. I knew I would be found Guilty, even if it was an accident. No one would believe me. I had to leave. I had no choice. I had to find Emerald, save my daughter. And I couldn’t do that from a prison cell. So I left, headed out the front door, and tried to pretend it never happened. Which proved quite difficult with Danny constantly nagging about my whereabouts and bringing Detective Sullivan into it. If I would have known then that Emerald’s abduction was all because of Rosie ….God, I can’t even fathom what I would have done. But I have to move past that. This is all started with me, and end with me it shall. I take full responsibility for my mistakes. I understand now that what I did eleven years ago was terrible beyond words. I was young, stupid and irresponsible - but that’s no excuse, I cannot change what happened in the past, but I can sure as hell make sure I do better in the future. I’ve already ruined every good relationship. I’ve ever had. Antonia has been gone a long time, but our daughter, Clementine, has lived on in her place. Danny was absolutely devastated after I told her what happened. She said she could never forgive me for what I did, and I honestly didn’t know if she meant with Antonia or Rosie - but thinking about it now, she meant both. She meant everything. I deserve that, I really do. I was a terrible person. I don’t know how I could allow myself to become such an awful human being. A man does not behave that way. A man does not abandon the women in his life. If I could go back in time and change what happened to Toni, I would in a heartbeat. She didn’t deserve to die because of my mistakes. I’ve made so many mistakes in my life - too many to even count. But from this day forward, I vow to be the best man that I can be. And that means being the best father to Emerald, as well as to Clementine. Even though I wasn’t a part of her life for eleven years, and she didn’t even know I existed, we’re working on building a relationship. Since Rosie is gone and her grandparents are deceased, she has no living family members to look after her. I asked Detective Sullivan to help me with my case to the courts to gain full custody of Clementine - with her permission, of course. It would kill me to see her have to go into the foster care system when she has a perfectly well and alive father ready to finally look after her. I’m fortunate that Rosie never told her the truth about me. Clementine believes that her parents died in a car accident all those years ago, just as Rosie said. In Clementine’s mind, I’m just her aunt’s boyfriend. She has no idea who I really am, and she doesn’t know all of the horrible things I’ve done in the past that put me in this situation. What I did to her mother, to her aunt. But the time will come when I will have to tell her that I’m her father. It will be complicated and messy, and I don’t know how she’ll react. But I’m praying she’ll accept me. Danny is filling for a divorce. No surprise there, I expected that. But the one thing I didn’t expect was her agreeing to full joint custody of Emerald. I thought she would take me to court and fight for full custody, given everything that I’ve done and the mess that I caused this family. But she’s seemingly okay with sharing custody of our daughter. I won’t question her motives. I’m just glad she still thinks I can be a good father to Emerald. However, if Danny wasn’t so understanding. I would have fought for full custody. And I would have won, given Danny’s history. I’m the most eligible caregiver for Emerald, and there’s no denying that. I’m just glad we could come to a mutual understanding. My feelings towards Danny haven’t changed, even after all of this. I still love and admire her as a person. But we don’t work together anymore. We’ve grown apart as people and it’s unfortunate that it had to come to this. But we will be better off on our own. She is so strong for overcoming her past and fighting to prove us all wrong when we accused her of hurting Emerald. Even when everyone doubted her, she was determined to find the truth. And that truth happened to be all my fault. I can’t describe the immense happiness I felt when they walked through that door with Emerald. There came a point where I honestly believed that she was dead. From initially thinking that Danny killed her, to then thinking that Rosie killed her, my thoughts were consistent that she was dead. And it was the biggest relief in the world to see her alive and well, back in my arms. I love her so much and will never let anything happen to her again. As for the guy who was working with Rosie, Teddy White, he’ll be in prison for the rest of his life. It turns out that he and a bunch of other men are responsible for the online human - trafficking website that allows people to buy and sell children. Detective Sullivan said this group has been wanted for a while all across Africa and Sub - Saharan Africa, but they’re constantly crossing borders and are virtually untraceable. All it took was one little slip - up - Rosie’s journal and cell phone - and they found him. I feel safer knowing that predator isn’t out there Lurking around children anymore. Once they busted Teddy, they were able to gain access to the website and shut it down completely. They offered him a deal, release the names of all other website admins and accomplices in exchange for a lower security prison facility. He agreed. From there, the police were able to track all of the buyers down and subsequently return a variety of other missing children home to their families. All in all, everything worked out. Except with Danny and me, that is. But I’m okay with that. Perhaps we weren’t meant to work out. Perhaps we were supposed to move on from each other. Danny may hate me now and never want to speak to me again, but I have a feeling that everything will be okay. Maybe slowly, eventually, after everything is sorted out, she will forgive me and we can develop a friendship. That would be best for Emerald. I don’t expect her to forgive me right away. First I have to find a way to forgive myself. Because right now I’m still trapped in this vicious cycle of blame. I know that none of this would have happened if it wasn’t for me and my irresponsible mistakes from eleven years ago. I keep beating myself up and regretting things is did a long time ago. But none of that is going to change what already happened. My therapist tells me that I can’t continue living in the past. I have to live in the present and focus on the future. I can only hope my journey goes upwards from here. Emerald is home again, and hey, now I have a second chance to be a father to Clementine. That’s all I really need. That’s all I could truly ever ask for. TO BE CONTINUED - LAST CHAPTER TO GOOO....