GUILTY 10

AFTER Detective Gerald Sullivan Friday May 19, 2016 I study her face. The elongated jaw line, the curve of her nose. The way her eyelids blink attentively when she’s listening. Does this woman speak the truth? Does she radiate honesty? Or is there something she’s hiding? A hint of falsehood that are suppressed behind her exterior. As Danny speaks, I glance sideways at the brother - Collin - who has been staring intently and listening to our conversations. When Danny finishes speaking. I turn to Collin. ‘Mr Cruze, before I leave, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?’ He tilts his chin up, his attention focused on me now rather than his sister. ‘Yes, of course. Anything I can do to help.’ ‘Would you mind giving us a minute?’ I say to Danny. ‘Sure. Yes,’ she pauses to look around. ‘I’m going to go have a shower.’ Her hair is still damp from her last one. I watch as she exists the space where we sit, disappearing down the hall. Once she’s out of sight, I turn to Collin and take a seat across from him at the table. ‘So,’ I begin. ‘You and Danniella… the two of you close?’ ‘Yes. We’ve always got along well. We’ve drifted a bit over the years, but that’s normal, especially since she moved away and started her life here.’ ‘Right,’ I flip to the next page in my notebook. ‘You’re from Delmas?’ ‘Yeah. We were born and raised there so it’s always been home for me. My wife is from there as well, so we didn’t really plan on going anywhere else.’ ‘What do you do?’ ‘I’m a Biology Teacher.’ I jot this down, then proceed with the standards. ‘Does your sister have any enemies? Anyone who would want to harm Emerald or her and Winston?’ ‘No,’ he says without hesitation. ‘Danny’s a good person. She may be quick - witted and mordant at times, but it’s all in good heart. She’s never really had any enemies. I don’t know who would do this.’ I hear the distant sound of the shower coming to life. ‘You have another sibling right? A brother?’ ‘Yes, Liam. He’s the youngest.’ ‘Where does he live?’ ‘Springbok. With his wife and two kids. They don’t come around much.’ I look up from my notepad and meet his gaze. ‘Why Is that?’ He looks hesitant, picking at his cuticles. ‘Just family problems.’ ‘If you don’t mind my asking, what happened?’ ‘Oh, just the typical stuff. It’s trivial, really.’ I stare at him, waiting for him to elaborate. He looks uneasy. I’ve been doing this for too long to let him get away with that response. ‘Are you sure?’ He glances down the hall towards the bedroom, ensuring his sister’s presence isn’t lurking, I assume. He looks down at his hands that rest on the table and sighs. ‘It’s ridiculous, really.’ ‘Your fight?’ ‘Yeah,’ ‘Is there something that Danny doesn’t know?’ He flattens his mouth into a line. ‘If I tell you,’ he begins. ‘You Can’t tell her. Can you promise me that?’ ‘As long as it doesn’t interfere with this case in any way.’ He’s quiet for a moment, then sighs again. ‘It’s all started about a year after he and Lianna got married. They were newlyweds - so happy and in love. They just had their daughter, Sophie, and everything was perfect. But something happened, ‘He pauses, rubbing his right hand over his left. ‘I never meant for it to happen. You have to believe me,’ he pauses again, then looks up at me. ‘We had an affair - Lianna and I. Neither one of us intended for it to happen. And we both regretted it deeply. We vowed that it would never happen again. But it did. ‘A few months later, we ended things for good. I wanted to tell Liam, and Jada, even. I felt so guilty. I betrayed my own brother. But Lianna made me promise not to say anything. Sophie was almost a year and she didn’t want Liam to file for a divorce and get full custody. I agreed not to say anything. Just so it wouldn’t ruin their family. ‘But then…Liam found out. I’m still not sure how, but he was livid, as you can imagine. It was around the time we were dealing with our parent’s estate. Danny thinks he was just angry about that. He was angry about the estate as well, we simply didn’t see eye - to - eye on some things. But the reason he was angry was because of me. ‘He never told Danny or our parents, so they don’t know. And I’d like to keep it that way. But he won’t speak to me. And he barely speaks to Danny. I don’t know why. it’s not like she did anything. But he just cut us off. All of us, He’s blaming them for my mistakes.’ Collin pauses again, taking a minute to gather his thoughts. ‘He stayed with Lianna, tried to make it work. She swore to him that nothing would ever happen again. But one night, a few months later, she called me. Told me that she was pregnant. It made sense why he chose to stay with her there - they were expecting another child. I congratulated her, wished her the best. But then she told me that the baby wasn’t Liam’s - it was mine,’ he stops, resting His forehead in his palms. ‘God, I never wanted that. I never wanted to jeopardize his marriage and fuck everything up.’ ‘Does he know?’ I ask. ‘That the child isn’t his?’ ‘No. He has no idea. And we’d like to keep it that way.’ ‘Have you ever met the kid?’ ‘No. His name is Clayton. Lianna says he has my eyes. But people always say he looks like Lianna. Some days I wonder if Liam ever looks at his son and questions things. But he hasn’t said anything, yet. And Lianna hasn’t said anything either. So for now, I assume, that everything is normal with them. But he can never know. I can never tell him. And you have to promise not to tell Danny.’ I let out a small breath. ‘That’s a lot of information to take in,’ I say. ‘But your issues are your issues. I have no need to say anything. Unless you think Liam had something to do with this.’ ‘No. Liam’s not like that.’ ‘He wouldn’t come around, looking for revenge? He can’t take any child from you, so he takes your sister’s?’ ‘No!’ he snaps, trying to keep his voice quiet. ‘I’m telling you, Liam wouldn’t have done this.’ The shower stops and we both turn. ‘Please,’ he says. ‘Please don’t tell her. Liam would never do that. He may have a problem with me, but he would never do anything like that to Danny.’ Looking at Collin’s desperate face, I believe him. It’s not like Liam is at the top of my suspect list anyway, but it’s something I’ll definitely need to look further into. I look down at my notepad and circle his name, Liam Cruze. I’ll give him a call soon, get this whole mess sorted out. Nineteen hours. It’s been nineteen hours. I need to find this baby. …….. BEFORE Danniella Waters January 28,2016 It’s been just over two months since Emerald was born. Her tiny body seems to be growing so quickly, no longer resembling the minuscule creature that once came out of me. I’m making progress, if you could even call it that. Doctor Kelvin has played a pivotal role in my recovery. He's always so kind and patient with me, even when I’m on the verge of insanity. I’m working on getting more involved with Emerald, small steps. Last week we began with simply sitting in the living room watching television with Emerald in her rocker beside us. Doctor Kelvin tells me to focus on the positive things about Emerald, rather than the negatives. I told him that’s a little bit difficult, considering I regret ever conceiving her. But he tells me that this is the psychosis talking, and soon enough, those thoughts will be gone. Today we are working on holding Emerald and feeding her the formula. I’m apprehensive at first. Doctor Kelvin hands her to me and I accept my daughter into my arms. My left arm is a bit sore. I look down and stare at her face. It feels strange, holding her. I fight the urge to put her down and run back into my bedroom, where I can hide beneath the darkness of the sheets. But these are what Doctor Kelvin calls Bad Thoughts and any time I have even the slightest notion, I’m supposed to push them away, suppress them, rid the Bad Thoughts from my mind. Easier said than done. I try to focus on Emerald’s face. I study the creases in her eyes, the way she latches onto my fingers with her entire hand. It hits me again - the realization that I created this tiny, odd - looking creature. It’s still a wonder to me why I never took to infants. There’s just something in my biological makeup that causes me to reject the concept of motherhood. I cringe as the smell begins to waft through the air. Her little mouth turns upwards into a smile, a gurgle erupts from her mouth. I turn to Doctor Kelvin, looking petrified. He calls Marcia, he takes Emerald from me and hands Emerald to her, Marcia heads for the nursery to change her diaper. My friend, Savannah, is supposed to be coming over today. She came to the house just after Emerald was born to bring a gift, In typical Savannah manner, she brought a dress and shoes for Emerald, and a bottle of wine for Winston and me. Other than that, I haven’t seen her since the beginning of November, before I left for maternity leave. I just haven’t had time or been well enough to see anyone. She’s been calling quite a bit, checking in on me. Doctor Kelvin said it would be alright if she came over for a short visit. Said it may be good for me to see a familiar face. Savannah is the type of person that most women aspire to be. She’s young - twenty - five - enthusiastic about everything in life, and has the type of body that makes anyone envious. She loves her job, but also loves to have fun. We met three years ago when she first got hired at District Systems. We became good friends within the office, then eventually extended our friendship to outside the office walls. It’s always fascinated me that Savannah and I became friends, because to be frank, we are polar opposites. I, the calm, self - sufficient introvert. Her, the energetic, lovable extrovert. I remember in the early days of our friendship, her begging me to accompany her on a Girls Night Out in town. Sometimes I would cave and go with her, but most times, I would politely decline, preferring to stay in and watch a movie with Winston. Regardless of our contrasting personalities, I love Savannah. She brings out another side of me that I forgot was there. She has the ability to make even the most anti - social of people become social butterflies. Not to mention the fact that she’s drop - dead - gorgeous, and I often find myself sitting there staring at her, contemplating my own beauty, With her long, chocolate hair and vibrant green - eyes. She’s luscious, like looking at a Cover Girl model. I’m no match, with my non - voluptuous figure and thin black hair. It actually surprises me that she hasn’t settled down with anyone yet. I’m sure there’s no shortage of men lining up, ready to put a ring on it. But she’s a heartbreaker, Can’t keep a steady thing in her life. The doorbell rings and I instantly feel nervous. I’m not sure why. It’s not that I think Savannah will judge me. Or, maybe subconsciously. I do think that. I look a mess, I feel a mess, and quite frankly, I’m intimidated by her right now because she has her life together and I do not. I stand up, smoothing out my shirt that flows over my yoga pants - I put some effort into getting dressed today - and head towards the front door. ‘Danny!’ she beams upon seeing me. She takes a step forwards and flings her arms around me. ‘Hi, Sav!’ I breathe into her thick hair. It smells like honey and cranberries. She steps back and surveys me. ‘Wow, you look good!’ I’m unaware if she serious or just trying to make me feel better. I haven’t showered in three days, but decided to take one this morning in preparation for her arrival. I don’t have any makeup on, and the insomnia makes itself evident through large, dark bags under my eyes. ‘Thanks,’ I smile faintly. ‘Please, come inside.’ We walk into the living room and take a seat on the couch. Doctor Kelvin returns, holding Emerald in his arms. Savannah’s face immediately lights up. ‘Oh my goodness, look at the little angel!’ I try to smile. ‘There she is,’ I say, a synthetic enthusiasm in my voice. ‘I haven’t seen her since she was like, this big,’ she holds her fingers a few centimetres from each other. Doctor Kelvin walks closer until he’s in front of Savannah. ‘Would you like to hold her?’ ‘I’d love to!’ Savannah reaches her arms out and takes my daughter. ‘Oh my, she’s just so little and tiny and cute!’ She squeals. Babies. They have that effect on people. Doctor Kelvin smiles, then looks over at me to check in. I glance at him, then turn my attention back to Savannah and Emerald. Savannah’s holding out her finger and Emerald has it grasped it in her tiny hand. ‘She looks just like you, Danny!’ ‘You think? My parents say she looks like Winston.’ ‘No way. She has your eyes. And hair.’ ‘That might change,’ I say. ‘Apparently all babies’ hair and eye colour are subject to change after the first year.’ It’s quiet for a moment. Doctor Kelvin takes a seat in the chair across from us. ‘Do you have children?’ He says to Savannah. Savannah looks up at him. ‘Children? No. I wish. They’re just so darn cute,’ she says in that high pitch voice as she looks back down at my daughter. You can have that one, I think to myself, then instantly try to take it back and replace the Bad Thoughts with good ones. ‘You married?’ The Doc inquires. Anything to keep a conversation going. ‘NO. I’m not. Not yet, anyway. I hope to be someday.’ Savannah smiles. ‘You’re probably eager to start a family of your own, then, Become a mother,’ Doc Kelvin nods towards Emerald. ‘Oh, I am,’ Savannah beams, ‘I almost was..’ her voice fades and she closed her mouth suddenly. ‘What?’ I turn to her. ‘Nothing.’ she smiles down at Emerald. ‘Never mind.’ ‘How do you almost become a mother?’ I ask, curiosity and suspicion arising simultaneously. ‘It was a few years ago. Not that bit of a deal.’ ‘What isn’t a big deal? What Happened?’ I press on…. TO BE CONTINUED….