FAITH & HOPE 7

FAITH

Faith was sitting on the grass somewhere, blissfully intoxicated and gazing up at the night sky, which was brightly lit and booming. She was seated next to two boys by the names of Carson and Jake.

‘So, why do you hate girls, exactly?’ Jake asked her.

‘It’s not that I hate girls,’ Faith said, She didn’t want to keep coming across as a misogynistic bitch. ‘I just prefer the company of males.’

Carson and Jake exchanged a glance, slight raise of the eyebrows.

‘Not like that,’ Faith quickly interjected. ‘I have a boyfriend. Don’t get any ideas.’

‘Where is he, then?’ Carson asked. ‘This boyfriend of yours.’

‘Not here,’ was all she said.

Hours earlier, after coming to the conclusion that she would do this whole firework be social thing by herself, Faith had felt much better. She had convinced herself that it would all be fine. What was she so afraid of?

Having a little company? Being judged for being alone? There was nothing wrong with being alone. It was just that she had relied on the company of others (Sebastian) for so long that he sort of became a crutch. She grew accustomed to the life of just the two of them, never needing anybody else. Was that bad? Was it preventing her from going out into the world and living her life?

Was her own crutch crippling her?

She drank some water, shoved a few crackers down her throat, and headed off into the night. There was no alcohol in her new house yet, and she didn’t want to risk getting carded at the local store. Instead, Faith went out in search of people. People that could enable her lust for intoxication.

That was when she met Jake and Carson, wandering around by the park at the lake, clearly intoxicated themselves. She approached them with ease.

‘What are you lads up to?’ she asked, flicking her long dark hair behind her shoulder and keeping her chin tilted high. They both stopped what they were doing and looked at her. ‘Nothing out of the ordinary,’ the tanned one with dark hair said. Carson.

‘You guys headed to fireworks tonight?’ The other one - dirty light hair, light blue eyes - took a step towards her. He stumbled slightly in his walk and Faith smirked. They would suffice.

‘We are indeed,’ he said to her. His eyes travelled the length of her body, then met her eyes. ‘I’m Jake,’ he stuck out his hand.

‘Faith,’ she said, and shook it.

‘This here is Carson,’ Jake turned around and nodded to his friend.

‘Great. So what are we drinking?’ She walked towards the swing set and took a seat.

They exchanged a glance and followed her.

‘Well, we’re drinking whiskey and sprite.’

‘I’m new here,’ she said, pushing her legs outward and swinging backwards.

‘What?’

‘New. To Willows. I just moved in.’

‘When?’

‘Three days ago.’

‘Where abouts?’

Faith thought for a moment, trying to remember her Street name, ‘Applewood.’

‘Ah, you’re on Applewood,’ Jake remarked.

‘Is that a good or bad thing?’

‘Depends how you look at it.’

‘This whole town looks like a bad thing.’ Faith said.

They both laughed. ‘Why’d you move here then?’

She gave them a look. ‘Do you think it was my choice?’

‘How old are you?’ Carson asked.

‘Why does it matter?

‘Well you want to drink with us.’

‘So? I didn’t know there was an age requirement for having fun.’

They laughed again. Faith was becoming their main source of entertainment for the night.

‘Okay, Faith,’ Jake said her name. ‘What do you drink?’

‘Anything with an alcohol percentage over sixty.’

‘You like pineapple brew?’

‘Did you make it yourself?’

‘Yeah,’

‘Does it look like I have a death wish?’

Jake laughed, ‘What about Gin?’

‘Gin will do,’ she said.

Neither of them moved.

‘Well?’ she said.

Neither of them moved.

‘Well?’ she said. ‘Where is it?’

‘Not here, silly girl.’

Faith planted her feet in the sand and stopped swinging. ‘Then what are we still doing here?’

Jake looked at Carson, then they both looked at Faith. ‘I like her.’

And so off they went back to Carson Landry’s house. His parents and younger sister were already at Cedar Park for the fireworks and wouldn’t be home until later. Faith sat at the kitchen table and watched as the boys raided the cupboards for Gin and fancy glasses to make her a drink.

Carson opened the fridge, took out a lemon, and began slicing it on the cutting board.

‘I don’t think lemon goes with Gin,’ Faith said as she watched him.

‘Who cares?’ Carson said, keeping his focus on the lemon. ‘It’s Guy Fawkes Day!’

‘Alright,’ Faith said. Jake passed her an orange. ‘What’s this for?’

He shrugged. ‘To eat?’

Faith stared at the orange for a moment, then peeled it and began to eat the slices. When Carson was finished cutting up the lemon, he dropped a slice inside an empty glass, filled it halfway with gin, and passed it to Faith.

‘You Don’t want juice or nothing with it?’ he asked her.

‘Do I look like a bitch to you?’

‘I like juice,’ Jake said.

‘Good for you,’ she responded.

The boys poured some Gin for themselves and Faith held up her glass. ‘To Guy Fawkes Day and new friends.’

They echoed her toast, then they drank.

It Didn’t take long for Faith to get drunk. Drunk, in fact, was an understatement. She was hammered. But she was loving it. The light dizziness that overtook her mind. She didn’t have a care in the world. She felt giddy and high on life. And in that moment, it didn’t matter that Sebastian wasn’t there. She had actually managed to go out and make friends all on her own.

‘Tell us about yourself,’ Jake said as they sat in the park. After they had gotten pleasantly intoxicated at Carson’s place, they took a bottle of tequila to - go and headed back down to the waterfront.

It was a nice lake, Faith had to admit. There were docks to fish and jump off. There was the park, in which they sat, with a swing set and slide. It wasn’t so bad.

‘There’s not much to tell,’ she said, leaning back on her elbows and looking at the sky. It was almost dark now. They’d head over to Cedar Park soon.

‘Where’d you come from?’

‘Doesn’t matter.’

‘What do you mean?’ Jake asked.

‘It doesn’t matter where I came from. All that matters is where I am now.’

‘What’s your boyfriend’s name?’ Carson asked.

‘Sebastian.’

‘Cute.’

‘He is.’

‘And why isn’t he here tonight?’

‘I told you,’ Faith said. ‘He couldn’t make it. But he’ll be up tomorrow. Then you two can meet him. I’m sure you’ll all get on splendidly.’

Carson took another sip from the bottle.

‘What are your plans for the summer?’

‘I have no plans. Just going to take it easy and survive until school starts.’

‘You’re starting at Willows Secondary I take it?’

‘I guess.’

‘What year?’

‘Senior.’

‘Ah, last year of High School.’ Jake said.

‘What about you guys?’ she asked.

‘We’re done. We just Matriculated.’

‘No way.’

They nodded in unison. ‘Goodbye Willows.’

‘So now where to?’ Faith asked them.

They were both quiet for a moment. ‘Not sure yet.’ Jake said.

‘He wants to be an electrician.’

‘That’s neat.’

‘Nothing’s certain yet.’ Carson added. ‘I’m still trying to figure everything out.’

‘That’s okay,’ Faith said. ‘Nothing is ever certain.’ She turned to Jake. ‘And what about you? What do you want to do?’ He took another sip from the bottle. ‘That’s the thing.’ He said. ‘I really don’t know.’ Faith sighed . ‘I don’t blame you. Growing up fucking sucks.’

‘I thought you wanted to grow up so you can leave Willows?’

‘I do,’ she said. ‘I mean, of course I do. But it’s also scary, you know? Moving out, finding a job, supporting yourself. At the age of eighteen, you have to decide what you want to do for the rest of your life. That’s fucked.’

‘I know.’

‘And what if you’re not sure?’ Faith continued. ‘What if you fuck up? Who the hell is there to catch you when you fall in the real world?’ she said. ‘No one.’

‘Girl’s got a point,’ Jake said.

‘I’ll drink to that,’ Carson grabbed the bottle from Jake and took another swig.

Faith sat back and waited until Carson was finished and passed her the bottle. The feeling of invincibility was beginning to wear off and Faith needed more. Could that in itself be the reason that she was always seeking out different vices? Cigarettes, Dagga, alcohol. She relied on these substances to numb herself from the pain, from the truth. The real world was too much for her to handle and so she masked it with dizziness and blurred vision.

She knew this wasn’t a viable answer. It was temporary, a band - aid solution. The pain would never cease. Reality would always be there waiting for her. There was no escaping it. There was nothing she could do.

And now they were at Cedar Park, finally, lying on the grass, watching the night sky light up. The sound was pounding through her ears, electrocuting her entire body. The alcohol was wearing off and she was in the stage between lucidity and comprehension. She could see the fireworks above her and she watched with gratitude. But there was still a part inside of her that felt lost and broken. As though all of this was simply a façade, another substance to hide behind.

But wasn’t everything, then, if she was thinking with that logic? Wasn’t everything that brought you happiness and pleasure - both sin and virtue - the same? They all brought one result: a numbing of reality. An escape from the truth. And she had this stark realization that everything in life was only temporary, both the good and the bad. It lasts in the moment, but then after that. It ceases to be, existing only in memory.

Nonetheless, regardless of how temporary her happiness was, Faith knew she needed to appreciate it and not take it for granted. She smiled, looked at her two new companions and turned her eyes back to the sky, She would enjoy it.

For now,…