FAITH & HOPE 32

HOPE After they finished eating breakfast, Hope and Faith stood at the kitchen sink doing the dishes. Faith’s mother had insisted that the girls sit down, telling them that she would take care of it, but Hope was used to tidying up after meals. She made Faith get up with her and together, they cleaned. Hope had to admit that she felt a great reprieve after last night’s confession. As though saying the words out loud somehow made her feel better, allowed her a better understanding of what was going on. Perhaps this was because up until last night, she was in denial. Denying herself the right to think, act, and LOVE. But then she had said the words aloud and somehow made everything clearer. Once she was able to come to terms with what was going on, she felt better. Lighter. As though a great weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. Although, there was still a giant factor to consider. And that was the fact that Hope now knew the Truth: she liked girls. Was that really So wrong to admit? Hope believed so. Simply uttering the words gay or homosexual felt wrong. But here she was, discovering that she was everything she once feared. Hope was raised heavily Protestant. She was taught from an early age that being gay was a sin. And there was a part of her that still believed that. But she needed to come to terms with the fact that she was now one of them. She needed to accept herself for who she was, regardless of her predisposition on the subject. She was gay, and it was wrong. But nothing could change that. That would be her life now. Thoughts of Matthew crossed her mind and she felt the tightness in her stomach. Everything had been fine this morning. Talking with Faith, saying things out loud that she never would have dared. The nausea she had been experiencing all week seemed to cease. But then she thought of Matthew and she felt ill all over again. What was she to do about Matthew? Matthew Whitmore; her soul mate, the love of her life, her future husband. How would she go on living with this lie inside of her? How would she be able to keep it from him forever? She could feel Faith’s eyes on her, watching her as she rinsed the dish and placed it in the drying rack. Faith, the one she now liked. The one that was there for her. What was she ever going to do? ‘What am I supposed to wear tonight?’ Faith asked as they finished the dishes and hung up the towels. ‘I don’t have a dress.’ ‘You can borrow something of mine,’ Hope said. ‘We’re about the same size.’ ‘Are you sure?’ ‘Of course, What colour?’ ‘Black.’ Hope laughed. ‘ I don’t own black.’ ‘Well,’ Faith inhaled. ‘What about grey? Or white?’ ‘I have yellow?’ ‘Hell no.’ ‘We’ll go to my place and find something, okay? You can have a look for yourself.’ ‘Alright,’ Faith said, reaching for her drink. ‘Oh, shit, I need to call Sebastian.’ ‘Do that now,’ Hope told her, ‘I’ll wait outside.’