FAITH & HOPE 12

HOPE

The remainder of the day went smoothly and without complication. As Hope watched everyone file out of the church at the end of the day, she couldn’t help but smile.

Everything had gone perfectly and she was ecstatic. She couldn’t wait to go home and tell her parents and Matthew.

She helped the rest of the staff clean up in the back, then she packed up her things and headed outside with Felicia and Noah.

‘That went well,’ Felicia remarked as they walked down the sidewalk.

‘It did,’ Noah agreed, ‘No crying from the tots this year.’

‘I know,’ Hope said, ‘ I was so surprised, but glad.’

‘You were great with them,’ Felicia said to Hope. ‘You have such patience.’

Hope blushed. ‘I just try my best. You guys are great too.’

‘No, don’t throw compliments back at us,’ Noah told her. ‘You truly were great today. Don’t be modest about it.’

Hope laughed. ‘Sorry. I’m bad at that.’

‘You definitely are.’

‘Where are you guys headed now?’ Noah asked.

‘I’m going home,’ Hope said. ‘Mom and Dad will be waiting. And dinner will be ready soon.’

‘I’m not doing anything.’ Felicia said.

‘You guys want to hang out? Go to the lake?’

‘You two go ahead,’ Hope said. ‘I’m meeting Matthew later anyways.’

‘Alright, we’ll see you tomorrow then.’

‘Bright and early,’ she said, then waved goodbye as they parted ways.

Hope was proud of herself. She knew that she did a phenomenal job organizing the first day and that her time had been well spent. But hearing it from others was something else. Hope received compliments on a daily basis, yet still, she was bad at accepting them. The concept was odd for her. As though doing these things was natural for her, first instinct. And to be thanked and applauded for doing so was strange.

When she got home, her mother was setting the table and her father was sitting on the couch talking to Matthew.

She heard her father speaking. ‘I’ll have to take it over to Dave sometime this week to have a good look.’

‘I’m sure he’ll be able to fix it,’ Matthew said.

‘Hi,’ Hope said, breaking their conversation as she entered the room and sat on the couch next to them.

Matthew leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek. ‘How was the first day?’

‘It was great, Everything went well and everyone was enjoying themselves.’

‘That’s great, love,’ her father looked at her.

‘I’m sure everyone adored you as their leader.’

‘I’m not their leader, dad,’ she laughed.

‘You make it seem like it’s a cult of something.’

‘Of course not,’ Gabriel laughed as well.

‘Chief Counsellor, Same thing.’

‘I’m sure you were great,’ Matthew pulled her closer.

‘Plates, Hope,’ her mother called from the kitchen.

‘Coming,’ Hope stood up, kissed Matthew on the head, then headed into the other room.

Hope felt a plethora of optimism and gratitude from the day. And not only from the day, but in general. Things were going to go perfectly this summer, something she would be able to add to the list of accomplishments she had achieved.

But was that all her life was - a List of achievements? Surely there had to be more to it than that?

Hope shook away the thoughts and tried not to think about it. This was what she did every time she experienced a thought of doubt or unrecognising. She simply pushed it away to the back of her mind, not delving in it deeper. She would focus on the good. She had to. It was all she had.

After they finished eating, Hope helped her mother clear the table and do dishes, then joined Matthew for a walk down by the lake.

The sun had just set and the air was warm on their skin, This was why she, along with everyone else in Willows, enjoyed the summer months so much, Because you could go outside and not freeze to death.

‘Look at that one,’ Matthew said, arm outstretched towards the sky. They were sitting on the bench, looking at the stars.

‘It’s bigger than the others. It must be a special one.’

Hope followed his gaze. ‘They all look so small, As though they are nothing but tiny specs of dust.’

‘But they’re not,’ Matthew looked at her.

‘They’re huge, Gigantic rocks and planets even. Circulating the universe.’

‘I know that, silly,’ Hope said to him, ‘I mean from here, Everything looks so small from here. But in reality, that couldn’t be farthest from the truth, It’s all about perspective.’

‘And to them,’ he gestured with his chin to the sky. ‘Whoever they may be, we probably look pretty miniscule as well, Over here on our tiny blue planet.’

‘Oh how we are.’

They remained sitting there, cozied up next to each other, indulging in the warmth of each other’s bodies, for a long time.

Finally, Matthew broke the silence, ‘Do you know which schools you’re going to apply to in the new year?’

Hope sat up and looked at him. ‘I have a few narrowed down, Why?’

‘Because it’s coming soon,’ he said. ‘The rest of our lives.’

‘I know,’ she smiled. ‘And then, we will turn eighteen, and everything will be perfect.’

He held her hand and kissed it. ‘Mrs Hope Whitmore.’

She loved it when he said that.

‘And we will both be doctors,’ he continued.

‘Working in some big, successful hospital, saving lives.’

Hope’s heart skipped a beat and she swallowed, trying to disguise her sudden discomfort on the subject, ‘Mhmmm.’

Matthew looked to the stars again, ‘I can’t wait to start my future with you.’

‘Me too.’

‘Do you ever have those days.’ he said, looking back to her. ‘Where the present is simply not enough? Where you spend every waking minute thinking about the future, longing for it, hoping it comes faster?’

‘Every day,’ she said,

He smiled at her. ‘Me too, And that’s how I felt today. I was so nostalgic for a future that hasn’t arrived yet. High school isn’t enough for me, This summer isn’t enough. I need more, I crave it.’

‘I know,’ Hope said, placing her hand on his arm, ‘But we have to be patient, The future will come soon enough, And then we have the rest of our lives.’

‘I know, I know that.’

‘Good.’

He stared at her again. And when Matthew stared at Hope, he never simply looked at her, He looked into her. Into every molecule of her being. He looked inside of her soul.

‘What’s the matter?’ he said, as though he knew her better than she knew herself.

‘Nothing,’ she looked away.

‘Hope,’ he said, ‘I know that look. You’re feeling uneasy. What is it? Something I said?’

‘No, no, of course not,’ she said quickly. ‘It’s just, she took in a breath, ‘I feel the same way as you, don’t get me wrong, I long for the future. I live for it, But sometimes it frightens me,’ she looked to him. ‘How can that be? Something I want so much can have power to both lure me in, yet pull me away at the same time?’

‘That’s normal,’ he said, ‘You’re just nervous, that’s all.’

‘Maybe.’

‘What are you afraid of?’

She thought for a moment. ‘Of not being good enough.’

‘Why would you think that?’

‘Because it’s what I fear, Matthew, I fear mediocrity. I feel being ordinary and average.

‘Hope,’ he said. ‘You are nothing less than extraordinary.’

She was quiet for a moment, ‘Thanks, I just wish I could actually believe it.’

‘You can,’ he said, ‘You have to know that by now. You do so much for everybody. The entire town loves you.’

‘But then what?’ she said, ‘What happens when we leave Willows? Who will love me then?’

He stared at her, slowly understanding the implications of her words. ‘So that’s what you’re scared of,’ he said, ‘Leaving Willows. Leaving the town that’s been your home for your entire life.’

She nodded. ‘It’s understandable. You’ve never known anything apart from Willows.’

‘I guess you’re right. I’m scared of leaving here and not being good enough in the real world.’

‘But Hope,’ he said. ‘This is the real world. It’s just a small portion of it. Just like how those stars out there are real,’ he nodded to the sky. ‘Just as real and alive as we are down here. We may not be able to see them or know them, but they’re there. They exist. It’s all about perspective, remember?’

‘I guess,’ she said, still not feeling convinced.

‘What is with the sudden feeling of inadequacy?’ he asked her.

‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘ I was feeling so good earlier. Camp today made me feel on top of the world, as though I could do anything. But then sitting out here with you, looking at those little stars and talking about the future….it just hit me.’

‘What hit you?’

‘That it won’t be this way forever. Things will change. We will change. And I’m not sure I’m ready for that.’

He took her hands into his and looked into her eyes once again. ‘I’ll tell you a secret,’ he said. ‘No one ever is.’